Today I read a book. From front to back.
I cleaned a bit.
I laid out in the sun.
I played in the dirt, just exploring my garden.
I ate a sleeve of Ritz crackers and some grapes.
Today I remembered the reading doesn't just help me write, it helps me think. It throws off the cloudiness of unformed thoughts and provides beauty through their formation. Pure, unstructured, yet formed thought is difficult to convey. It's like trying to fit a fire hose stream into a funnel; too many thoughts to focus on and narrow down to just one that matters.
Today I looked at my phone to call my husband. Being too lazy to dial his number, or look him up in 'contacts', I went to the call log. Calling insurance companies for a job leaves my call log FILLED with "unknown" numbers. It struck me then as I was scrolling through this that maybe that extends more metaphysically to my life than I imagined. How many times have I attempted to find the "known" by calling the unknown? I finally found his number... I hadn't called him since last Saturday.
Today I felt like I was 7 again. My nails still have a ton of dirt underneath them, I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, I recklessly refused to wear sunscreen and now I'm burnt and I imagined what birds must be thinking when they travel.
Today I thought of how quickly time passes. Of past memories both painful and happy. Of times I wish I could go back to, and yet how glad I am to be here in the present. I thought of the lessons I want my progeny to understand from my life. I wondered at how the habits I have now are going to affect me, for better or worse. I thought of what it really means to live.
Today I was happy.
I cleaned a bit.
I laid out in the sun.
I played in the dirt, just exploring my garden.
I ate a sleeve of Ritz crackers and some grapes.
Today I remembered the reading doesn't just help me write, it helps me think. It throws off the cloudiness of unformed thoughts and provides beauty through their formation. Pure, unstructured, yet formed thought is difficult to convey. It's like trying to fit a fire hose stream into a funnel; too many thoughts to focus on and narrow down to just one that matters.
Today I looked at my phone to call my husband. Being too lazy to dial his number, or look him up in 'contacts', I went to the call log. Calling insurance companies for a job leaves my call log FILLED with "unknown" numbers. It struck me then as I was scrolling through this that maybe that extends more metaphysically to my life than I imagined. How many times have I attempted to find the "known" by calling the unknown? I finally found his number... I hadn't called him since last Saturday.
Today I felt like I was 7 again. My nails still have a ton of dirt underneath them, I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, I recklessly refused to wear sunscreen and now I'm burnt and I imagined what birds must be thinking when they travel.
Today I thought of how quickly time passes. Of past memories both painful and happy. Of times I wish I could go back to, and yet how glad I am to be here in the present. I thought of the lessons I want my progeny to understand from my life. I wondered at how the habits I have now are going to affect me, for better or worse. I thought of what it really means to live.
Today I was happy.
I love your analogy of the fire hose, and all your deep thoughts, Jess. You put the word to paper well!
ReplyDeleteSo awesome. I love this a lot. I especially love the part about reading helping you write. It's really cool to watch you gather and share wisdom. I learn so much from you.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Jess you are a beautiful writer! It made me excited for my next day off :)
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