Updates

Time is moving in the weirdest of ways. I feel like it's lurching forward in 3 week increments, then slowing way down for 2 days, only to skip forward another month.

Crazy.

Anyway, a few weeks ago we went with the Tuft's down to St. George for the week. Our last "hoorah" before Spencer leaves on his mission. It was great to have some down time and completely unplug from work - even if it was over 100 degrees nearly the whole time ;)

In case any one DIDN'T know - being in a pool while pregnant is the very best thing. THE VERY BEST.

Since then we've been working on getting our house ready for Baby Tuft's arrival, working, and helping our families as much as we can since both my sister Nicole, and Kyle's brother, Spencer report to the MTC this week!

This one is going to the Rome, Italy mission, reporting to the Provo, MTC

And this one is going to the Tegucigalpa, Honduras mission, reporting to the Guatemala MTC (and yes, I totally had to re-look the mission name up...)

Neither of them will be here when Baby Tuft arrives, which breaks my heart a bit, but we are so excited and proud of them both. It's been wonderful for us to share in some of their experiences as they've prepared to leave. You both are going to be stellar missionaries!

By way of pregnancy updates: everything is progressing normally. Last night we went to the hospital to double check that my water hadn't broken at all (I thought I may be leaking), but I'm not and all my measurements are looking normal. The nurse did say that Baby Tuft has a lot of room left to grow and I swear my jaw dropped; it sure doesn't FEEL like there's any more growing room! Other than that I've had the normal 3rd trimester symptoms and stronger and stronger Braxton Hicks.

We're so excited to meet our baby... even if my face doesn't look all that excited ;)

Classy bathroom selfie? Check!

The Third Trimester

How Far Along?: 30 weeks

Maternity Clothes?: YES. And I recently outgrew one of the first maternity shirts I bought, so that's cool.

Sleep patterns?: Still sleeping through the night, but I wake up at least once to use the bathroom. Recently I've been waking up around 7-7:30 though. I can't decide if that's a good thing or not as half of me wants to load up on sleep while I can, and the other half of me is saying "don't get used to this!"

Stretch marks?: A tiny, tiny bit. Baby and I had our biggest growth spurt these past two weeks, so I was expecting to get some!

Favorite thing about being pregnant?: My very favorite thing has been realizing how big and exciting of a journey Kyle and I are about to embark on. Raising kids is the "next big stage", and while that's sometimes overwhelming, we can't help but be overjoyed at the thought of where our lives are taking us.

Hardest thing about being pregnant?: You know, I've had a really great pregnancy, but there have been some unexpectedly hard things about it that I don't think I was prepared for. First, no one tells you that you can actually feel your uterus stretching; those growing pains were sharper than I ever thought they'd be! Second, my nose has bled more times since being pregnant than it has my entire life, and I've even broken it before. The hardest thing for me though has been the total loss of control over my body, and I'm not talking about weight gain here. I've always been really athletic and coordinated and the one aspect of my life I've always been in really good control of is my body. I never counted calories, or worried over my weight or anything, but I did make conscious decisions to keep my body in shape. Being pregnant means you loose control over some of these things. I can't stop my body from growing in EVERY direction; I can't control when I'm exhausted, hungry, or have to go to the bathroom. I can't even walk in a perfectly straight line anymore. None of these specific things have been too difficult to handle, but taken as a whole, it leaves me feeling chaotic and stressed. I'm 99% sure this all has more to deal with my intensely OCD personality more than anything though ;)

Bought anything for the baby yet?: Oh yes! I've been stocking up on as many basics as I can find (plain white onesies, primary colored clothes, diapers, wipes, etc.). We also had a baby shower while up in Washington these past two weeks. Since we have decided to keep the gender a surprise, many people brought us baby books and other really useful baby items instead of a ton of baby clothes (healthcare kit, grooming kit, baby bath supplies, blankets, Boppy pillow, etc.).

Weird pregnancy moment?: I've developed a wonderful habit of creating my own words as my thought processing ability has gotten much slower. For example, "dlood braw", instead of blood draw, "desparetingly" instead of desperately, "Walget" not Target or Wal-Mart. I have a running list of new words if anyone cares to know.

Movement?: Constantly! Baby Tuft does a wonderful job of reminding me via punching and kicking that it's time to eat!

Food Cravings?: Chocolate milkshakes from In n' Out have never tasted better but I can't tell if I'm craving them so much as letting my preggo self indulge in them more often...

Anything making you queasy?: I'm more sensitive to external movement. I tried reading something on my phone last night in the car and I instantly got car sick. My balance has been pretty out of whack lately too, so turning quickly or standing up suddenly makes my head spin a bit.

Birth preparation?: Kyle and I are still practicing the techniques we learned at our Hypnobabies class. It's really made us more confident as our guess date approaches!

Any names picked out?: If it's a girl, Olivia Ann Tuft, and if it's a boy, Milo Jay Tuft.

Looking forward to: seeing how similar or different our baby is now to how they actually will be once they're here! In my head I can picture their personality and habits just from how I feel like they're behaving in utero, but it'll be interesting to see how accurate my thoughts are.

The Second Trimester

How Far Along?: 22 weeks

Maternity Clothes?: Oh yes. I was stretching out my regular shirts a bit too much. It was a lot to ask of them! I finally cracked and got maternity jeans too. I was really dreading that, but I'm so glad I got them now.

Sleep?: Yes! I've gotten used to my nightly bathroom run now, so I'm sleeping a lot better. I'll occasionally take a nap if I need it, but that's nothing out of the ordinary.

Stretch marks?: Not yet. I've been using lotion regularly, mostly because my belly keeps getting dry, so I hope that helps. If not, I'll have some sweet battle scars.

Best moment yet?: Seeing Kyle's face light up the first time he felt Baby Tuft kick!

Miss anything?: Honestly? Not one thing. I have been floored by how wonderful being pregnant has been for me. I fully expected to have the absolute worst time being pregnant, but if this is how it is for me each time, I could have 10 kids (really hoping I didn't just jinx myself!).

Weird pregnancy moment?: The insane dreams I'm having! Not all of them are great; I woke up sobbing having dreamed I'd lost the baby. Most of them are just very, very vivid. I'm pretty sure I know what it'd be like to be on drugs now.

Movement: Yes! Baby Tuft likes to move the most when I'm meditating and it's very distracting. It's like they're related to me or something....

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular. I'll get sudden urges for something sweet or salty, but not one food in particular.

Anything making you queasy?: My nose is still picking up everything, so normal gross smells are more uncomfortable (ie: full garbage can, moldy foods, greasy/oily foods etc.)

Birth preparation?: Because we're planning on having a natural birth, our midwife strongly suggested that we look into classes that teach various methods of pain management, other than drugs. We have started to take a childbirth class called HypnoBabies. It sounds super, super hokey, I know - I think they'd get a lot more interest if they re-named it... Essentially it's just learning how to allow your mind to be more in control over your body. We were skeptical when we first signed up, but we've both been very surprised at how effective it's been. Plus, what we're learning has a lot of applications for other areas in life, so we're big fans!

Happy or Moody?: Generally happy, but I do get bouts of moodiness. I got a letter from Liz this week and she included a note for Baby Tuft. I cried for a good hour after that because it was so sweet and I miss her a ton. I don't think I would normally do that...

Gender: We're keeping it a surprise!

Looking forward to: Getting to know our baby as an actual person. I'm constantly amazed by the fact that I'm growing a human who has interests, talents, and a personality. We can't wait to get to know and learn from our baby!

Becoming a Mom

Nearly half-way baked. Woot woot!

After the initial shock of pregnancy had slightly subsided, a whole new shock settled in: I'm going to be a mother?!

Let me first just start out by saying I hardly feel like an adult; just yesterday I bought Skittles over a salad and later I re-used my cereal spoon for lunch - without washing it. My daily decisions are still dictated by whether or not I'm fully dressed and actually feel like doing something. Essentially, I'm still a child.

How in the world am I supposed to be responsible for this precious, perfect body and spirit? What type of mom do I even want to be? What tendencies do I have now that will prevent me from becoming that mom?

One big concern I have is that my natural type-A personality is going to rear it's ugly head often. I'm worried I'll be the mom who is constantly cleaning and rearranging the house; the mom who demands perfection and expects it (since I do that to myself); the mom who pushes and pushes her kids past the breaking point to excel. Yet, I'm worried to not do those things too. I'm worried that I'll give my kids too much so they'll never learn what hard work means. I'm worried about working them too hard. I'm worried that I'll curb their dreams when they don't align with my dreams for them. I'm worried about how badly it will hurt to see them in pain.

Kyle and I have talked about future parenting practices. We've discussed timeouts, allowances, groundings and I see merits to almost every opinion about those. We've talked about how we'll handle driving, dating, and technology - around then is when I usually roll myself into a ball and cry. 

As I have thought about all these concerns, a thought struck me that I've since been clinging too: I'm not expected to know any of this. I think being a mom is a process that I need to be patient with and I need to allow myself the time to learn how to handle these worries.

I don't know much about how to "mom", but I do know I will work my hardest to be the best mom I am capable of being. And I think that's what matters the most.

The First Trimester

How Far Along?: 14 weeks

Weight Gain: Not a pound yet, but my body shape is changing like crazy. I'm really not too concerned about putting on weight - I stepped on the scale for the first time this morning just to answer this question. I'll grow as our baby needs; within reason, of course.

Maternity Clothes?: Just bought some maternity leggings and holy moly - WHERE HAVE THESE BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE?

Sleep?: Still sleeping through the night, thankfully! And of course, experiencing the "need to pee" promptly at 3:20 am every night.

Stretch marks?: A bit, but luckily they're not visible to the public ;)

Best moment yet? Hearing Baby Tuft's heartbeat!

Miss anything? Oh yes! Consistent bowel movements, muscle tone, energy... etc. I've really not had a terrible time though, so I don't dwell on what I'm missing.

Weird pregnancy moment? I tried to unlock the car with a straw a few weeks ago. I'm not even sure where I got the straw...

Movement: I'm pretty sure I felt a very faint "fluttering" yesterday, but it's so hard to know!

Food Cravings: Hard boiled eggs. I think I've had 2 every morning since I found out I was pregnant.

Anything making you queasy? Nothing really; earlier on I could NOT stand the smell of greasy Mexican food. Kyle had a hard time with that! I'm much more sensitive to smells than normal, so our house is actually cleaner as a result.

Birth plan?: We're planning on having a natural birth (non-medicated) at a birthing center that's 3 minutes from our house. Is it weird that I'm really looking forward to the experience?

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling our baby moving more!

A baby!

It's official! We're expecting our first baby!

We found out we were expecting during our trip to Washington for Thanksgiving. Coincidentally, it was the same morning another relative came over to announce that she was pregnant too...

Right now I'm nearly 14 weeks along and feeling great. I haven't dealt with morning sickness at all; I just get queasy if I don't eat every hour. So yes. I'm eating absolutely everything right now. And sleeping all the time. Oh, and growing in places I did not expect. Ahem.

We got to hear Baby Tuft's heartbeat two weeks ago. The midwife had to keep moving the Doppler around because baby was moving all over the place!

I have to be honest - I had always thought that when I found out I was expecting, I'd immediately experience this overwhelming feeling of love for the baby. That was decidedly not the case for me. I was happy, but it was all very abstract. It was hard to not think of the baby as more than a parasite - eating my food, making my body grow, messing with my hormones - when we heard that heartbeat though, suddenly it was all real. There's a human in there, and I'm growing it!

Since then our excitement has only increased. Baby Tuft, you are loved more than you know!

2013

Guys. I blogged. I would say I'm going to be better at this next year, but I honestly don't plan on it. I've liked living my life "off the grid". Not everything needs to be published!

2013 is coming to a close and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Kyle is quick to tell me that I'm ridiculously hard on myself, but I feel like I just didn't grow this year as much as I anticipated. That's not to say that this year was bad in any way. It just feels like it was another year come and gone.

2014 though. I've got big plans for 2014. I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions for almost two months now. I'm excited to see what the new year brings.

So, as part of my goodbye ceremony to 2013, here's a photo-recap of the past year.

January - Typical inversion. Nearly died this month after enjoying Hawaii!

February - Went to a lot of BYU men's volleyball games

March - Said goodbye to Liz as she left to serve her mission in Japan

April - Boston had the marathon bombings, RIGHT during finals week

May - Said goodbye to Kristen as she left to serve a mission in Chile

June - flew back to WA for my sister's graduation and got to see my mountain looking fiiiine per usual

July - Family vacations and we got Khan

August - I walked early at BYU. So grateful both sides could be there

September - This one turned 24!

October - Halloween decorations in full swing

November - The leaves were amazing

December - Full of unprecedented challenges and miraculous joys

And with that, I bid adieu to 2013.