What Baby Stuff do you REALLY Need?

Our 5 "Must Haves" and 5 "Don't Needs"

I wouldn't say I'm a veteran mom, but this definitely isn't my first rodeo. As such, I've pretty much figured out what our "baby essentials" are. There are LOADS of blogs, pregnancy apps, and boutique shops that will tell you what you ~MUST~ have to "make those first months wonderful" and I kinda call BS on most of it. When we had Milo, we were poor college students living in a 2 bedroom, 900 square foot pioneer house. There was no way he was getting his own little nursery. I used to feel bad about that but then I realized maybe it was a good idea to not set that precedent for ourselves. Really, does your baby care what color his bedroom walls are painted? And honestly, who really has all the money laying around to go out and buy all these high-end products when there a loads of cheaper options? Babies really have very few needs: food, clothes, a place to sleep, diapers & wipes, and a carseat.

When pregnant with Milo, I was really adamant that we didn't buy anything that was gendered in case our next was a girl. In fact, we didn't reveal his gender for this reason. Practically, this would save us from having to buy an all new wardrobe but also, I just really don't like pink frilly bows haha. This turned out to be a lifesaver for us because I ended up not needing a single thing when Livvy came around. Sure, we got girl clothes from baby showers for her, and I did go slightly nuts with hair bows I actually liked, but we were pretty set!

All the baby gear can be incredibly overwhelming, so I teamed up with my girl, Danica, to help new moms out. Danica is both practical and stylish and willing to do all the research we mortals are too lazy to do ourselves. Checkout her blog asap cuz it's hilarious and informative!

So, that being said, below are our top 5 baby necessities, and top 5 baby "unnecessities".

Danica

I've been thinking about baby products so much as I prepare for my second baby and watch several friends who are pregnant for the first time. It's a jungle out there. We are so incredibly blessed to live in an internet era where we can google any questions, crowd-source opinions about theories and techniques, and find product descriptions and reviews that are helpful to us. I don't know how our moms did it, to be honest. It's crazy how much I've used the internet in the 21 months Reese has been with us (and the 9 months of pregnancy before that lol).

The problem with it is twofold, in my opinion:

1. There is just TOO MUCH. Too many options. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and paralyzed by choice. It's great, of course, because the likelihood of your particular needs being met by a product are high. But knowing your needs and knowing which products will meet them is so difficult, and this is not a situation that needs more complication or stress. 
2. Everything is Capitalism - even the mommy bloggers you trust the most. This isn't really that ~bad. People gotta eat, man! Products must be sold! But sometimes companies/bloggers/advertisers will prey on the stress and earnest desires of first time moms to have and be and deliver the very best for their babies. I've got news for you: sometimes bloggers will promote an item they don't actually use or don't really like just because they got paid a lot to do so. And guess what? Sometimes they'll promote an item they ABSOLUTELY LOVE! But it's super expensive and they got it for free. Or they might be genuinely sharing a product they bought themselves and used free of sponsorship. Sometimes you don't know.

Here's what I'm saying: You don't always know what you need, or what you want, or what will work for you. That doesn't mean you need to buy everything that The Baby Cubby posts about or each product your favorite mommy blogger shares. I've fallen for this, and it's ok if you have too. It isn't the end of the world if you buy a product you don't actually like.

But if your budget is tight, or you notice yourself feeling mom guilt or an urge to buy every fancy or cool gadget you see on Instagram... it's important to stop and say: "Wait. Do I REALLY need this? Does baby really need this? Or am I just buying it because it's cute/cool/trendy?" I have to ask myself this all the time. Well, actually, it's The Beard asking me that all the time, which in turn reminds me to think about it myself.

Necessary:

1. Nursing Pillow - Even if you're not going to nurse I used it constantly. Some people say like "Oh don't let your kid sleep/lay on the nursing pillow!!!" but honestly it worked great for us. She'd take naps in it as a newborn, and eventually when she was learning to sit up we propped it around her perfectly. I registered for a plain Boppy for my shower and then bought a cute cover for it and I have to say - definitely worth it. I did also buy 2 of these cheaper, knockoff types (they always do deals or you can get coupon codes for everything but shipping) and they'll do as well. They're thinner and not as sturdy, but since my home is 2 levels it was really nice to have one in each space I nursed without having to carry them around.
• Jessica’s Note: I would’ve died without my nursing pillow my first time going through that! Not just for nursing, but also for me personally to sit on while I…. recovered. Your under-regions take a beating with labor! With my second I got to a point where I didn’t need it at all, but I totally recommend this, especially for first-time moms!
2. Thin Changing Mat - Me and Reese were on the go, and... she was a blowout baby. We did a ton of diaper changes all over this county. Many of them in the backseat as I rapidly changed her before walking into a dinner or party. The Gathre (formerly Let's Playground) Micro is $20 and worth every penny. I'm gonna buy a new one for this baby, because it's no exaggeration to say that I have used it every single day for 21 months (and it still looks brand new!!!). Small, durable, sanitary, cute. Get one.
• Jessica’s Note: Both of my SkipHop diaper bags came with a changing mat and it was a LIFESAVER during those first few newborn months.

3. Velcro Swaddle - I know some people think "Well I can just use a regular swaddle right?" and like, yeah, you can. But I'm telling you that I believe in my bones a big part of why Reese crushed it in the sleep department was our sleep setup - based around velcro swaddles. There are a ton of kinds, but we used and loved this exact set. She couldn't fight her feet or hands out and she always slept like a champion in them.
• Jessica’s Note: My own kids both hated being swaddled with a fiery burning passion. I pushed swaddling for ages before I finally gave in, but we did get Livvy a blanket sleeper from Ikea, just to keep her warm at night. It was loose enough that she didn’t seem to mind it.
4. Stroller - I'm gonna talk about strollers because I can attribute a lot of my happiness and postpartum weight loss to LOVING mine. If you don't love your stroller you're not going to use it. In fact, you might actively try NOT to use it. I knew I wanted something light and functional. Don't need lots of bells and whistles, off-roading, storage space, multiples, whatever. I wanted it to be easy to pop up and down - like 5 seconds easy - or else I'd never want to use it. I wanted it work with her car seat and grow with us into toddlerhood.We ended up going with the Uppababy Cruz and Mesa, and I FREAKING LOVE IT. We're gonna size up to the double (Vista) at some point for baby Holdy #2. It's hard to know what you will want, but do your best to picture your life when baby gets here. Do you jog? Go to the mall/Target a lot? Walk outside? Travel? Have multiple kids? Pick a few things that are important to you, then watch a shiz ton of Youtube videos, ask your friends what they like/don't like about theirs, and try out strollers at baby stores where possible. Having a stroller that works for your lifestyle makes a huge difference. I loved never feeling weighed down or like "Ugh I don't want to have to haul out the stroller..." Instead it was like "Oooh I'm feeling a Target run! Let's go bb girl!" and 5 seconds later I'm cruising in the doors with Reese still napping after a seamless transfer from car to stroller. It worked for me. Magic. You don't need the most expensive stroller on the market. Just find one you think will best meet your needs and then get well acquainted with it before baby comes.
5. Wubbanub - I've sung the praises of Wubbanub binkies many times before, and I ain't stoppin now. Here we are, 21 months later, and just barely did I break Reese's bear and lost her cat - but her dinosaur (Sarah lol) is going strong. Worth. It. As a tiny baby it stays put on their chest when they spit it out. When they get a little bigger they have something to hold. Eventually it makes it so easy for them to learn to grab it and put it back in their mouth. Not to mention they are so much easier to find/more difficult to lose. We're picking out new ones for baby Holdy soon!
• Jessica’s Note: One day I’ll have a baby who does me the courtesy of actually using a binky. When that day happens, this is the first one I’m trying out. Until then, I can only dream!

Unnecessary:

1. Owlet - I'm sure a bunch of people love these, but I can't help but think they're just feeding on the fears of new and stressed moms. It doesn't help that literally all of the posts I've seen have been sponsored. Listen to me: You do not need a $250 monitor to tell you your baby is breathing/not breathing. If you want one and have $250 to blow - go for it. But don't ever feel like your kid is going to stop breathing and it's your fault if you don't buy one of these. Read about SIDS, do your best to follow the preventative guidelines, and talk to someone if you still can't sleep/relax/feel ok.
• Jessica’s Note: Girl, preach. The one reason I can see this being valuable is if your baby was born with complications, but unless that’s the case, I too feel like it adds unnecessary stress!
2. Baby Monitor - We didn't use ours until Reese was like 10 months old, and even then we only used it for a little while. If you need to leave your baby in a room on the opposite side of the house frequently - ok, maybe you need one. But for the most part you don't need them at all! Crack their door! Or at least not until they're big enough to actually cause some trouble. Just my opinion.
• Jessica’s Note: We’ve never used a baby monitor until our current place had Vivint installed already with a baby monitor included. It’s not worth purchasing, especially if you have a small house. Trust me, you’ll hear your baby cry.
3. A Nursery - Jess hit on this already, but seriously... they don't need it. They don't need cute decorations or coordinated bedding crib sets or a plush glider or trendy stuffed animals to display - or even a room at all! Yeah it's a lot of fun to set up a nursery! Go for it! But if you're tight honestly this should be the first thing to go. You can keep all their stuff in like 2 drawers of your dresser or a couple of bins in your closet. A crib/bassinet can go in your room (it will anyway for a few months!), or a closet, or an office!
4. Name Brand Clothes - A couple of nice things per size is a good idea, but ask yourself "Do I want to scrub poop out of this 37 times? Do I want this to get completely ruined after 2 wears?" Those are chances you have to take and it doesn't bug you near as bad if they're affordable or semi-disposable clothing options. Sometimes the plain Gerber or cheap Walmart onesies got straight up thrown away because it wasn't worth it. You can get cute stuff at Target, Old Navy, even Walmart, or secondhand and not feel bad if it gets ruined.
• Jessica’s Note: My rule of thumb is that the more expensive the clothing item is, the higher the chances the baby will ruin it. Cheap is best! Along with name brand clothing… unless your baby starts showing signs of a rash, you’re probably good to forgo the all-organic cotton clothes. Also, I highly recommend not buying anything white/cream. I guarantee the worst blowouts will happen when they’re wearing white.
5. Fancy Baby Cosmetics - Obviously if organic or whatever products are your battlefield then by all means go for it. But your baby does not need $30 lotion because a celebrity says so. Johnson & Johnson rocks. H*ll, the Smith's grocery brand of baby lotion rocks!

Jessica

Necessary:

1. Fisher Price Rock n' Play - We got this as a baby shower gift with Milo from my aunt who had also used it. In our tiny house, we didn't have room for a full on crib in our bedroom, but I wanted Milo to sleep close to me while he was nursing at night. This Rock n' Play is incredible for small spaces! It folds up easily and is very portable and very light. We've used it with both kids for the first 4-6 months of life. It also is slightly reclined, which was perfect for Livvy as she dealt with acid reflux & colic; being reclined helped keep the acid down. Ours also vibrates if we want (neither kid loved that), and it does rock. When sleep training our kids, if they woke up slightly fussy, I'd gently rock them back to sleep. Another huge plus for us was its portability as we'd take it to grandma's house if we were there for an extended stay. The newer version is self-rocking which we're probably gonna get for this baby as ours has seen better days. Like I said, we used it 4 times a day, for a total of 16 months!
• Danica's Note: Yes. Some type of small swing/bouncer is vital. I was lucky and my amazing parents got us a MamaRoo for Christmas and we loved it. But you don't ~need an expensive one. Just a landing zone that preferably bounces/vibrates/rocks/something will work.
2. Pamper's Diapers - We're huge Pamper's fans over here. We've tried Huggies and the Costco/Kirkland brand, but for whatever reason both kinds disintegrated off our kids' bums. I like the idea of the Honest Company kind, but they're too expensive for how many we go through and honestly? They just get pooped in anyway! We use Amazon Prime for our diaper orders and save about $20 total for a huge box of size 4's & 5's. Pamper's ARE more expensive, but my logic is I'd rather pay a bit more for diapers that hold up because one awful blowout can ruin a full outfit and blanket, and could mean loads of carseat or crib cleaning.
• Danica's Note: Like I said, Reese was a blowout baby and I can tell you that paying for a nicer diaper is WORTHHHHHHHHH it, especially if your kid is talented in the diaper department. It saves you on extra diapers, laundry, and just plain sanity. We did mostly Huggies & Pampers, and now that Reese isn't blowing out we can do store-brand cheap ones.
3. Carseat - I honestly think this mostly comes down to personal preference. All carseats are put through rigorous testing before being allowed out into production. Some may have slightly higher safety ratings, but it's pretty negligible. The only REAL thing you need to pay attention too is the expiration date, and, if you're buying it secondhand, if it's ever been in a car accident before. We got the Chicco Keyfit 30 carseat (and by "got", I mean we were given). I personally liked the easy "click" function into the car seat base. We've been perfectly happy with it.
• Strollers - I'll mention this here, although for us it technically wasn't a baby "necessity" within the first few months. Many car seats have a compatible stroller. We requested the matching stroller as our big ticket baby shower item with Milo, but I honestly didn't get much use from it until Milo was 6ish months old in part because I was working still and it was the winter. Depending on the time of year you have your baby, a stroller may not be a huge deal for you, although it's good to keep in mind when buying a carseat.
4. Puj Tub - We didn't have this with Milo, but I so wish we did! I found it on a garage sale site for like, $10, a few days before I had Livvy and MAN ALIVE. What a great invention. We usually bathe our newborns once every other day but the newborn blowouts are inevitable. This little invention made those blowouts much easier to handle. We stored it in the 1 inch gap between our bathroom sink and the wall - I say that to emphasize how space friendly it is. It seems like a lot of money for just a baby tub but we got a TON of use out of it with just one baby, and I know we will with this next one.
• Danica's Note: Yep. Totally worth it, love it, amazing.
5. Clothes storage option - Obviously most people assume this means a dresser. I wasn't too worried about having enough clothes for either kid. I'm pretty prolific in finding great sales and we were given quite a few pieces. However the STORAGE option can get really expensive if you're not careful. We opted for just a basic Ikea dresser; my hope is that these will grow with each kid. We couldn't afford a high-end dresser, plus we didn't really think it was all that prudent, but we also didn't want something that would break within the first three uses either. We also had the space for a decent sized dresser so this dresser worked perfect for us. I have seen LOADS of clothes storage options though for all different price ranges and available spaces. A friend of mine used a plastic craft drawer option and hung dresses on a rod above that. It cost her $30 and was maybe 2 feet wide and 4 feet tall. If you're struggling for ideas, Pinterest and Google are great go-to's!
• Danica's Note: Reese's nursery is tiny, so I used cute fabric buckets in bookshelves and a hanging organizer in the closet! I think I probably spent less than $50 on the entire clothing organization, but having something to store tiny clothes in an organized way is critical.

Unnecessary:

1. Baby bottle dryer - This thing makes me laugh nearly every time I see it. You could just use a dish towel and tilt the bottle so air can get into it, or stick em in the dishwasher ;)
2. Baby food blender - In another life, we would've just called this a blender. We had a Ninja blender that worked just fine for making baby food, if that's your thing.
3. Baby toys - this will be an eventual "need", but your new baby is not gonna have any interest in toys for quite a while. Even then, the toys you get them will never be as interesting as the packaging they come in. I'm honestly considering getting our kids their own set of Tupperware for Christmas and that's about it.
• Danica's Note: Agree 100%. The only exception I'd make is some type of hanging toy/mobile for the carseat if they struggle in the car. But those are cheap and do NOT need to be fancy.
4. Baby shoes - I know they're adorable. I know it sounds like a good idea. Truly though, your new baby has absolutely no use for shoes. Livvy lived in footed pj's or socks with some hand knit booties my aunt gave me (she's an October baby); Milo didn't need socks as a July baby. Around 6 months they discover their feet and everything comes off anyway. Livvy is BARELY balancing on her feet now, at a year old, and she just takes her shoes of asap. Moccasins are WAY, way cute, but they aren't necessary.
• Danica's Note: AMENNNNNNNNN. Chill out with the Freshly Picked moccasins.
5. A designer diaper bag - I know there are mixed feelings about this. My personal preference was to have a bag big enough to hold what I needed, but I really wanted to avoid a bag that looked like a diaper bag. I could easily have spent $200+ for a bag like this, but the only way I could really justify that amount of money is if the bag actually changed the diapers too ;) I first got a shoulder strap kind by Skip Hop called the Versa bag as a baby shower gift. I really loved it, but quickly realized that with two kids, I'd need both hands free. I then got the Forma Diaper bag (also by SkipHop) and I've loved it. SkipHop has a lifetime warranty on their products so it was worth the money for me. If you're tight on cash though, honestly a big purse or a normal backpack works just fine too.
1. Danica's Note: Honestly, probably the dumbest purchase I made was a Petunia Picklebottom. Don't get me wrong - they're incredible! But very expensive. You don't need one. Honestly a big enough purse or backpack works great! I used a leather tote from Target for a long time. Nbd.

I think in general the rule to keep in mind is whether you're actually shopping for you or for the baby. While I'd love to dress my kids in BabyGap from head to toe, financially that just isn't reasonable. Moreover, your kids really just don't care what they're wearing. I've found once I can clearly evaluate what my kids actually need versus what I think they need I'm better able to find cheaper, more practical options. Having a baby is a big enough life change; finding inexpensive and truly useful items definitely makes that transition much easier!

Celebrating 5 Years

Technically our anniversary is on December 20th, but the cool thing about being adults is that you can celebrate things whenever you want too. We knew getting married that close to Christmas would mean less extravagant anniversary celebrations so we've just decided to celebrate when works best for us. #adultlife

Anyway, for our 5 year anniversary we took a week long vacation down to southern Utah! We'd toyed around with going to Mexico, a cruise, or back up to Washington, but ultimately with me being pregnant (no thank you Zika!), and our kids being so little, we decided to play it closer to home. Plus, my exposure to southern Utah was woefully lacking. We wanted to check off the iconic Utah landmarks if possible and I think we did an awesome job! We flew my mom in and she took care of the kids for the week, with help from both my sisters. Sometimes it's validating to realize it really does take a lot of effort to take care of two kids ;)

I'm a FIRM believer in making sure you take time for your spouse. Quality time is something Kyle and I really work for each and every day, now that we've figured out what quality time means for the other. No matter how deeply I love my kids, I will always and forever love Kyle more and getting an extended period of time alone reminds me of that! Plus it's just awesome to stay up late and sleep in on your own time table haha.

We set out Monday with our Harry Potter audio books and drove down to Arches National Park. We found an awesome mobile home rental in Thompson for $45/night that we rented for two nights. It was perfect. Fully stocked kitchen, washer & dryer, 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, and even wifi available in the middle of nowhere. 10/10 would recommend that place.

We hit up Delicate Arch, Fiery Furnace, Pine Arch, Double Window Arch, and Landscape Arch. Fiery Furnace was probably my favorite because we were scaling and legit climbing rocks, instead of following a paved pathway.

Wednesday we checked out of Thompson and drove over to the Natural Bridges National Monument. It's not nearly as popular as the other national parks in Utah but it's equally stunning!

In the center of the picture there are some cool Indian ruins

After Bridges we drove through Monument Valley. We had every intention to stop at the Visitor's Center, but apparently they can close a half hour early whenever they want too. We're not bitter or anything.

We camped that night in Page, just on a beach at Lake Powell. The stars were stunning!

Thursday morning we woke up bright and early to try and get a tour through Antelope Canyon. When I called a few weeks prior they told me that I'd have to book the tour in person, but when we got there we were told we had to book it online? Idk. This is still on our to-see list! We had a slow morning and then headed over to Zion's!

That afternoon we hiked the Emerald Pool's (upper, middle & lower), ran into Kyle's parents and sister on the hike, then since we were racing against the sunset, we headed out to find another campsite.

Unbeknownst to us, it was Fall Break for most of Utah, so Thursday & Friday were way busier in Zion's than we anticipated. To beat the crowds, we got up early Friday morning to hike the Narrows. Kyle tried convincing me to do Angel's Landing but I think I'm gonna need 10 years to work up the courage for that one. The Virgin River running through the Narrows was like 51*. The first quarter mile was really cold, but then our legs went numb and we were good after that!

After the Narrow's we (and by "we", I mean, "I") were so tired, cold & wet, we decided to head on out. We stopped at the BEST Mexican restaurant we've ever been to in Hurricane, then drove up to a hotel in Cedar City. I took a nap, we went to see Suicide Squad at a discount theater and ordered a pizza.

We had plans to go up to Bryce Canyon on Saturday, but we were both pretty tired after a week of hiking. Instead we found an awesome Groupon for a couple's massage at a salon literally two blocks up the street from us, so we drove on home and did that. Now we're completely ruined and will never end a vacation any other way.

It was a great week and we felt ready to go home by the end of it. I think we struck the perfect balance of it being structured enough so we weren't bored, but unstructured enough to actually relax. We had moments of missing our kids, especially when seeing other kids reacting similarly to how our kids would've, but then we thought of trying to encourage them up a hike, or sharing a tent, and we were quite glad they were home ;)

Love you hun! Can't wait for the next adventure.

The Baby That Wasn't

Don't worry - I'm still pregnant!!

However, I feel like I need to share a bit of our summer. It's hard for me to write this. It's hard for me to admit that as well. I hope my experience, and my sharing that experience, provides a small degree of comfort for those that need it.

One day in June I woke up absolutely knowing that I was pregnant. I ran down the stairs to confirm it with a pregnancy test and I was completely right. Two little lines appeared! I excitedly ran to tell Kyle and then we tried to figure out the possible due date. Between nursing and being pregnant less than a year prior my cycles were extremely erratic. It dawned on me that I had actually just completed a cycle less than two days ago; how in the world could I have a positive pregnancy test this soon after a period? They're not supposed to be accurate until a week after a missed period. I called our midwife and she suggested coming in to start a blood test. It'd measure the HCG hormone in my blood and if it increased over time, then that would mean I was pregnant.

We were sort of pressed against a deadline because we were leaving on family vacation less than 10 days later. Over those 10 days I got two blood draws. I annoyingly called our midwife often to see if the results had come in. Finally, AN HOUR before we left for the airport, the results were in; I was pregnant! We would go in for an ultrasound once we got back to nail down a due date.

Our family vacation in Oregon with the Tuft's was awesome. I don't really start to having pregnancy symptoms until about the 5th week which would occur right about when we got back home, so I thought I was in the clear.

We were in Astoria touring a lighthouse when I realized something was very wrong. I hadn't been too crampy but I suddenly felt like I had wet myself. I ran to find a bathroom and found a lot of unpleasantness. This wasn't normal pregnancy bleeding. Since that first positive test, I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. A positive tests two days after ending a period was too suspect. I realized in that bathroom in Astoria that this little baby wasn't meant to be.

Did you know that your fertility increases after a miscarriage?

Did you know that 1 in 6 women experience a miscarriage?

Did you know that you can miscarry and not even know it?

Did you know that there are very specific reasons for a miscarriage, but that you'll hardly ever know WHY it happened?

Did you know it's not your fault? That nothing is wrong with your body?

Logically I knew all of this. I'd futilely try and comfort myself over the next two awful weeks of cramping by reminding myself of these answers. No, I didn't eat something I shouldn't have. No I didn't exercise too hard. No, my body wasn't defective. Yes, there's a reason for this.

But did also you know that logic doesn't help when in grief? That no matter how much you tell yourself that this is natural and normal and necessary you'll probably still feel on some level that you are to blame? No matter how much you tell yourself that this is probably for the best, it doesn't barricade you from the pain of miscarrying and hating your body for not following your wishes.

June and most of July really kicked me in the face. It's impossible to describe how it is to miss something you didn't have. It was hard to feel sorry for myself when I realized exactly how blessed I still was. And I do count myself as extremely blessed. As far as miscarriages go, this was probably the best case possible. I was extremely early in my pregnancy when I miscarried - I know the pain of it increases the bigger the baby grows. I already have two beautiful children - we know I'm capable of having children. We were sort of tipped off that something wasn't quite right by having a positive test so soon after a period - this wasn't a completely unexpected surprise. What if I hadn't miscarried? How would that baby and the pregnancy have turned out?

All of that aside, it's still hard. The hardest part for me has been that I know I needed to know that I was pregnant; I had the same assurance I was pregnant when we found out with both Livvy and Milo. It felt exactly the same that morning in June. Why did I need to know I was pregnant if I was just going to miscarry?

When we got another positive pregnancy test in July I had none of the same excitement in my heart. Coming just weeks off of a miscarriage, I couldn't help feel like this wasn't real, that I just had residual HCG in my blood which was triggering the positive test. I wasn't going to let myself believe that this was happening. To be safe, I tested every day for the next two weeks and those positive lines kept getting darker. This either meant I hadn't miscarried properly or that I was actually pregnant. Finally we did another few weeks of blood tests and we came back with happy results; the HCG levels were rising - we were pregnant. (Hilariously, due to a typo in our HCG results, we were seriously expecting twins for a few weeks! Turns out an extra "0" had been entered in my HCG levels so it seemed like I had MUCH more than one baby required.)

At 6 weeks along we had an ultrasound done to confirm proper growth and to try and get a due date. Our baby gave us a little miracle by allowing us to hear her heartbeat, which had just started beating days before. I will never forget that heartbeat so long as I live. Our baby was alive and we knew her chances of survival had increased dramatically now that the heartbeat was there.

I don't know what happens to the souls of those babies that are miscarried. I don't know if they're given another chance at life at a later point, with a different mother, if they're sent again asap to the same mother, or if they're even sent back to Earth at all. For me, being pregnant has helped tremendously with my grieving process. This baby girl could be called a Rainbow Baby; the baby that follows a miscarriage or any other infant loss. But I don't know if I think of her like that. Right now she's an answer to a lot of prayers and I'm just happy to call her ours.

To those that have suffered through a miscarriage or infertility of any shade, just know that we hear you and have some idea of this same pain too. It is hard and confusing and full of sorrow. Please do not close yourself off to those who can help you. All grief is real and needs to be addressed. Loved ones, others' experiences, therapists, and doctors are wonderful resources. Hopefully our experience can help as well.

Regarding Mom Wars

You know those opinions you keep to yourself for so long that eventually you learn to almost tune yourself out? Like you've trained yourself so well to keep a lid on things that it starts to not bother you anymore?

I was ALMOST there until I came across a random social media post where a mom was being absolutely roasted.

She'd posted a plea for help/tips on breastfeeding. She had a 4-day-old baby. Two women decided that the comment section was a perfect spot to rip into each other regarding scheduled feedings or feeding on demand. A third lady told this new mom to just give up and go straight to formula. And a fourth lady chastised this new mom for even asking for help because breastfeeding was such a personal matter.

I LITERALLY LOST IT. My phone was seconds away from being snapped in two!!

I very definitely have my own opinions about everything under the sun. I birthed in a birthing center with no meds, I don't co-sleep, my kids share clothes even though they're different genders, I'm not a huge fan of Barbies, I breastfed, my kids rarely snack, they nursed on a schedule, I slept trained them at 3 weeks old (the horror!!), we didn't use pacifiers, we don't fight them on food; they go hungry instead. Our days are pretty routine; they both take one massive nap in the afternoon, and they sleep from 9pm-9am. I was a working mom, now I'm a stay at home mom. I try and feed them veggies and don't have the current budget for all-organic, non-GMO fruits. We eat meat. They drink whole milk. THEY ARE HAPPY.

But none of that means that I would EVER consider myself a better mother than someone who chooses to do something else with their children. I have made my choices, I feel good about them, and I don't feel like I have anything to prove by shoving my opinions down another mom's throat. I am perfectly confident in my choices while still allowing myself room to grow and change as needed.

I am so tired of seeing women put down other women, while simultaneously, ironically, complaining about how hard it is being a mother.

It is a totally new ballgame being a parent in the world of Google. With literally thousands of reputable studies at our fingertips, we are bombarded with different parenting techniques and "finds" seemingly every day. It is EXHAUSTING to sort through it all (assuming, even, you're a parent who WANTS to sort through it all). For every opinion, there is an equally "studied" opposite opinion. Nearly every week I hear or read something like, "new study shows sippy cups delay potty training", or "co-sleeping linked with reading deficiencies in kindergartners". Who in the world knows what's accurate and what's not? WHO HAS THE TIME TO CARE.

On the flip side of this coin, we as parents also have a really great opportunity to genuinely SUPPORT other parents. Our own mothers weren't able to ask for help in breastfeeding and get such a wide response from so many different people. I have personally benefited from asking that same exact question. There are great resources housed in the device in my pocket that my mom is blown away by. At a time when it is SO easy to give an encouraging comment, instead I see mom's tearing into each other's throats in the name of "caring" and preventing "abuse" to children.

Side note: I have very little patience with people flippantly tossing around the term "abuse", particularly in regards to children. No, allowing your baby to eat gluten is not an abuse. Work in CPS for a better idea of what abuse actually is.

If your child is happy, healthy and loved, and the parents are sane, then I say "good on you! you're doing a great job". In the end, we are all just trying to do our best and raise successful kids. Can we move past the point of disagreeing over differences and simply support and encourage each other when we can? Shame on those that make it harder to do the hardest job in the world.

/end rant

Oregon Coast

I'm slowly getting my feet back under me as far as my normal routine goes. Summer seems like a good enough reason to not follow any schedule but the flipside of that is that I feel a little frazzled!

Kyle's brother Spencer returned from his 2 year LDS mission from Tegucigalpa, Honduras on June 23rd. He hadn't yet met Milo or Olivia so it was a great reunion! 2 days later the whole Tuft clan loaded up and flew/drove to the Oregon Coast for a week vacation. We stayed at a great house about 7 minutes from the beach. It was a total blast and something I hope at least Milo will remember. He and his cousin Audrey really bonded at that cabin! We spent a few days on nearby beaches, went up to Cannon Beach for a day, Astoria (which ended up being a bit of a bummer!) and the Tillamook Cheese factory. I love that factory; free cheese!! Anyone who has been to this coast will immediately tell you that these aren't beaches you lay around and tan on. IT. IS. COLD. I've been there a number of times before and even I underestimated the weather! Still was so much fun though. Hey Tuft's, let's go again next year!

Playing CodeNames

Kyle and I were attempting a cute pic of us, but Milo wanted to play "Ring Around the Rosie" instead

We dropped the Schmidt's off at the airport so they could head up to Alaska, but we weren't leaving Oregon without trying Voodoo Donuts first!

We also went to a playground and the rose garden; anything to get those wiggles out!