I'm not entirely sure where to start...
LONG story short: Kyle and I broke up. How's that for an introduction?
And that's about all the explanation I'll be giving here. That and the fact that I still firmly believe him to a remarkable guy and that life's been a little hard since. Understandably so I think?
You know how they say that everything happens for a reason? Sometimes I think they forget to explain that finding that reason is perhaps the hardest thing to deal with. Well at least in my case it has been, I really shouldn't generalize my feelings to everyone I suppose.
I think there's a lot to be said for
Did you know that you have muscles in your soul, feelings, brain and spirit? Did you know that they can be stretched VERY thin?
But guess what happens to stretched muscles; they become stronger and more refined and that's what has happened to me. However difficult things have gotten I feel as though someday I'll benefit from them. In fact to some degree I have already. There's a strength that I've come to rely on far superior than my own and I absolutely know that if I had not turned to the Lord for support then I'd be nowhere near where I currently am now. Recently learned lessons of complete trust in His plan for me, the fact that His plan is the one I must not only follow but earnestly seek, and that this plan will make me happy has comforted me when nothing else could. My eyes have been opened wider to see how blessed I am for the things that I do have. The love of dear friends, my family, and always and especially my Heavenly Father. The opportunity I've had to learn how to accept correction, instruction, guidance and change has seriously humbled me. I've never felt more close to Christ than in these past couple of weeks and I believe that I needed to be sufficiently humble before He could help me. Sometime I think we learn best from Him when have only Him to rely on. I've learned that life is never as bad as we make it out to be. The attitude in which we face circumstances can change the results we see. I am here at a phenomenal university, utilizing my fully function and healthy body to further increase my knowledge. I am learning life lessons. I have food, clothing (LOT'S OF CLOTHING....), friends, family, housing, finances, support groups, the gospel, opportunities and God in my life. How can life be anything but a blessing? No matter how bad things seem, no matter how hard something seems to be, THINGS WILL GET BETTER. And someone always is worse off. Counting my many blessings has proven and shown to me what God has done. He has given me everything that I have: isn't it interesting that the only thing we as humans have a right to claim as our own is our ability to choose? And yet that is what He asks of us, to submit our will and accept within our hearts His plan, not knowing beforehand the answers to the questions, the changes we'll go through or the difficult circumstances that we'll endure.
Yes it's been hard, my weekends are drastically different these days (I'm watching Mansfield park on my bed, in my sweats, eating cookie dough on a Friday night) but I can't say that I would go back and change how things happened. They did happen for a reason and maybe I don't know why that is now, but I have hope that someday I will.
