Tuesday, February 19

For Rachel

There are some days when certain, random memories refuse to stop banging their presence against my cranium. They beg to be turned over and remembered, if only for a few, fleeting seconds. One particular memory has been screaming the loudest, so I'm giving it a voice here.

This memory is not one of my favorite memories. It's not even particular pleasant. In fact, it's a little sad, and even shameful in retrospect.

When I was about eight-years-old we lived in a nice, developed cul de sac in a small Washington town. I loved it there. The formation of the neighborhood forced our backyard to be a triangle and I used to think that made us unique. Who else has a triangle for a backyard? I'd kick my soccer ball against the fence, driving our neighbors nuts. Often times that ball would fly over the fence and I'd have to climb the fence, jump over, and race to grab my ball again before they either caught me, or their dog caught me. It was a great neighborhood for an eight-year-old.

There was a white house, two down from mine, that belonged to the Wilson's. They seemed like a nice family, and lucky for me, they had a girl about my age. I knew the dad was gone most of the time, leaving the mom with her two sons and the younger girl at home. I don't remember how it happened, but this girl, Rachel, and I became good friends. We'd paint our fingernails with white-out while dancing to N'Sync, we figured out how to slalom ski behind her bike (she rode her bike, we tied a jump rope to it, and I held on as I roller-skated down our driveways), she'd tell me how much she hated her older brothers and how mean they were to her, and I'd tell her that she could take my annoying younger sisters. She introduced me to MTV, Britney Spears and this new guy, "M&M". I cut her bangs and put butterfly clips in her hair. It was a great, young friendship.

One day Rachel came over to play at my house, and I noticed that she looked a little different. I couldn't place my finger on it. Did she get a haircut? Was that a new shirt? New shoes? Ignoring this, I asked if she wanted to help me clean out my closet (I was am pretty OCD about clutter.) I started pulling out old shirts and asked if she wanted any. With her back towards me she started to try them on. She lifted her shirt, and I silently gasped; her entire back was covered in bruises. They were thick, purpley-yellow, green and black bruises. They were big and they were small, like... fingerprints.... But they didn't stop there. I saw that they continued across her ribs, down her arms, over her shoulders. There wasn't a spot on her visible body that wasn't covered with a bruise. Horrified, I kept looking, kept staring. What had happened to my friend? Was she sick? Had she fallen down the stairs? As my lips formed the questions, the words stopped in my throat. There weren't just bruises. The more I stared, the more I saw. Thin cut marks, little slices of the flesh mangled her back. Some were more recent than others; I could just make out old scars. At this realization, I was truly scared. I didn't know the questions to ask, and so, to my utter shame, I never did.

It clicked for me then why she had looked different; her eyes were dark. There was absolutely no spark of life.

Some times, in quiet moments this memory launches itself in my vision and I am right there again. Right there in my eight-year-old room, trying desperately to understand something that terrified me. I don't know what happened to Rachel; we lost contact after we moved across town (there wasn't such as thing as Facebook then!) but I never asked her about this. I don't think I really wanted to know. My young mind drew wild conclusions, none of which were rational. It took me a couple more years to start to piece together a logical explanation; logical, yet horrific.

So, to Rachel, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you needed at that time. I hope you're doing well now. I've thought about looking you up, but yet, the eight-year-old in me is still terrified of knowing that my rose-colored childhood was not the same for all my friends. I still don't know if I really want to know, and I'm so, so sorry.

Thursday, February 14

Valentine's Day Crazies

I'm conducting an observation on today to prove that Valentine's day is, in fact, crazy.

Technically, it started yesterday at Target:
  • A mom: "Avery, what kind of candy do you want for your boyfriend?" (Avery is maybe 6 years old...) 
  • Wife, muttering to herself, "which one does he like? sweet.... sour...?" 
  • Little boy in the Vday section, "Mom, I CAN'T bring these to school... they're pink!!" 
  • Husband who approached me looking for advice, "Mind if I ask what size you are? My wife's about your height and she's been looking for some pair of colored jeans..." 
And it has continued today:
  • Witnessed a proposal outside the library. Complete with giant teddy bear and roses. 
  • "A guy who buys that much stuff for his girl is compensating for something..." - dude on campus 
  • Instagram has exploded with couples' pictures 
  • Pinterest is full of heart-shaped everything 
  • "Is he looking over here? REALLY? I'm telling you! It's this heart scarf! It has magical properties" - girl on campus 
  • Starbucks has a buy one, get one free drink discount today 
  • "Valentine's day at BYU is the weirdest thing. It's like, everyone has to be super cheesy because that's all they CAN do... if you know what I'm sayin' sayin'" - guy in Bookstore 
  • SOMEHOW, today, of ALL DAYS, I left my ring at home on accident and I, very smoothly, got asked to grab a Jamba Juice. No one wants to be completely alone today. 
  • Everyone has "The best_______." according to Facebook 
  • "My son doesn't have the wherewithal to realize that the card he got from the neighbor girl is mass produced. He's running around the house telling us that, 'She thinks I'm the best!'"- Professor 
  • A girl wearing a full, red velvet, Victorian style dress across campus 
  • A guy frantically writing in a heart shaped card in the JFSB courtyard 
  • Walking into Costco and 4 rose-arrangement laden men walking out 
  • "My mom called and wished me a 'Happy Valentine'. Only she said it like it was a challenge. What am I supposed to tell her? 'So um... I actually have two Valentines tonight. Ben & Jerry'. I just don't think she'd appreciate that". - girl on campus 
  • Running into a couple making out in the middle of a crowded hallway. Seriously? 
  • 27 accounts of red and pink attire in the 10 minute walk I had across campus 
  • 4 giant balloon bouquets 
  • The BYU Bookstore Candy counter is now the most popular male attraction on campus. 
  • 8 heart-patterned sweaters/tights/pants/scarves 
  • "I don't get Valentine's day... I mean, I cuddle with you so why do I need a guy?" - another girl 
  • There are rumors of a girl sporting angel wings walking around BYU...
I could go on, but really? Need I?

Friday, February 1

happy news and awkward news

If we're friends on Facebook you might have read some exciting news earlier this week:

I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!

It's for the Institute of Self-Reliant Agriculture (SRA). They're an institution that helps developing countries overcome hunger and malnutrition by demonstrating how to create rotational gardens. This strategy allows people to have healthy, nutritional foods year round. Right now SRA has gone into Peru, Ecuador and Kenya and created gardens in a number of villages. The results have been amazing! In fact, the Kenyan government has approached SRA with the idea to implement their strategy within the entire country. In order to do this though, SRA needs to get funding. They're planning to present their project to the Gates Foundation in an effort to secure the funds necessary to carry this out.
That's where my job comes in. Right now, SRA doesn't have quantifiable evidence to show how their gardens have been successful. The research and design classes I've taken for my sociology major have taught me how to gather quantitative data and use it to show statistical correlations and improvements. I'll be gathering data from these countries and analyzing it to numerically show the improvement that has been made using SRA's garden strategy. My analyses will be part of the presentation to the Gates Foundation later this year.
Long story short... it's a HUGE undertaking, but I could NOT be more excited. This is exactly what I've been hoping to do with not only my major, but with my life. Working with a non-profit company has always been a goal of mine, and SRA's strategy completely rings true to me. It's one thing to give food to people who need it, but it's another thing completely to make sure they know how to get healthy, sustainable food. People need an opportunity to learn how to be self-reliant and that's the aim of SRA.

So that's the big news :) I'm so pumped!

AND after numerous questions and requests, here's an awkward story:
I came into class a little early this week and sat down. The other students in the class started coming in, and a girl sat down next to me. She attempted to engage me in small talk; "What's your name, major, hometown" etc. Having answered her questions, she noticed my ring and asked,
"Oh! how long have you been married?"
me: "A little over a year now."
her: "So now it's time to pop out those babies right? When are you thinking about having kids"?
ummmm, WHAT?!
Seriously though. WHO JUST ASKS SOMEONE THAT. I immediately fished it. (Just imagine: open mouth, close mouth, open mouth, close mouth - like a fish breathing). I'm still very impressed that I didn't say one of the million nasty retorts that immediately came to mind.

Ugh... gotta love the BYU bubble. #marriedproblems.
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