**In light of nearly 30 billion friends getting married this summer (Kimmie! I'm looking at you!) and a lot of questions I've been receiving lately, I thought I'd share the biggest thing I wish I'd known before getting married. Please be warned - I'm about to reveal a whole lot about myself and Kyle. These are our opinions and don't necessarily apply to everyone, or every marriage. Per usual, we don't post this to offend or upset anyone, so keep your pants on and don't freak out please :)
BIRTH CONTROL:
Because we're Mormon... and I'm kinda guessing most of you are too... there were some religious considerations that we took into account when deciding on birth control (as in IF to use it at all). If any of you have taken marriage and family prep, then you know that most of the talks about birth control leave you feeling like you're going to hell for even considering taking it. I took that class when Kyle and I were engaged, just when I started thinking about birth control. I called my mom in a panic after that lecture because I honestly felt like I was going to be damned if I started using any form of birth control. I'm not going to bash on these talks at all... but Kyle and I agree that this is a very personal decision that should be made between you, your fiance and God. I got married when I was 19; still a teenager. Kyle and I both felt that starting a family right away was too soon for us. I wanted a chance to really get to know my husband before family life started eating away the time we had for just us. We felt good about this decision, and so I started on the pill.
All of those religious considerations aside... I wanted to talk about the types of birth control. There are hundreds of contraceptives available, and yet the most commonly used one is the daily birth control pill. The pill is the easiest method to start and thus, the first method most women go with. Most pills control the female reproductive cycle via hormones, which I'm sure you all knew. But....
I HATED IT.
My body is pretty sensitive to medications in the first place, but hormones? Oh my gosh. I went insane. The morning after I took the first pill I could smell EVERYTHING; I knew which roommate was showering because I could smell their shampoo. It was freaky. I thought it would get better after the first month... but I was so wrong. Poor Kyle, our first months of marriage were pretty crazy. I wasn't just emotional for one week of the month, I was emotional everyday for the 10 months I took it. It was really difficult for him, handling all these emotions from his new wife. There was one day I sobbed, became enraged, got really hyper and then sobbed again all in an hour. I felt sluggish and tired all the time, I lost my appetite, the littlest things would upset my (like when Kyle would leave his laptop on the coffee table), I had crazy migraines that would come unexpectedly and wipe me out for 24 hours AND I was paranoid about not taking the pill at 10 pm every night. PARANOID. The only good thing was how much my ladies grew (DD!) and that was fun while it lasted! ;)
After 10 months of that craziness, we decided enough was enough. We still felt like we weren't ready to start having a family, so we researched a ton for alternative contraceptives. Condoms were considered, and then immediately rejected (we hated them). I tried switching the brand of pill I used to lower dosages of hormones, but I had the same results. After that I considered doing the shots (1 shot, every 3 months) and the ring every 3 weeks. Finally though, we decided that it didn't matter what type of contraceptive we used because all of them were hormone-based. I needed something that didn't mess with my body's natural cycle, but still was effective. That's when my mom told me about IUDs (intrauterine devices) which are not hormonal. They're made of copper which slightly raises the pH in the uterus so the egg can't be fertilized. The tricky part is that it's actually a device that gets inserted into the uterus... making for a really awkward OB visit. The other problem is that they're pretty spendy (like $1500), but with ObamaCare's new provisions, it was completely free for me.
After a lot of research, we decided the IUD was the best route for me. I've had that in since August and I have loved it. No daily pill to get paranoid over, no crazy emotional swings, no constant PMS'ing. I honestly didn't know how icky I felt until I had been off the pill for a month; it was like a fog had finally lifted. And yeah, the ladies did shrink a ton, but I'd rather be emotionally stable and flat-chested, than busty and crazy ;)
So, all that being said... I know a lot of women who have used the pill with literally no side effects. If that's the route chosen and it works, then more power to you. However, if it's not working, then don't be afraid to look for other options. I think I thought that because the pill was the most popular method, it should be the best option available. That's part of why it took me 10 months to finally do something different. But that is definitely not the case. Our hope in posting this is to encourage people to get educated about all the different kinds of birth control methods. Don't be afraid to try something that's not well known. If the hormones are kicking your butt (like it had with most newly-weds I've spoken too) then look for other options. It doesn't have to be an IUD at all, that's just what has worked best for us. The first year of marriage is hard enough with all the new adjustments I think. Ours was compounded by the fact that I could NOT control my emotions to save the life of me. Choosing a different method was a life-saver for us and definitely contributed positively to our marriage.
Hopefully hearing our experience is helpful to someone. I've been surprised by the number of questions I've personally received about birth control, so I hope I preemptively answered them all here!
Ladies - if you have any personal experience to also share, please do!
BIRTH CONTROL:
Because we're Mormon... and I'm kinda guessing most of you are too... there were some religious considerations that we took into account when deciding on birth control (as in IF to use it at all). If any of you have taken marriage and family prep, then you know that most of the talks about birth control leave you feeling like you're going to hell for even considering taking it. I took that class when Kyle and I were engaged, just when I started thinking about birth control. I called my mom in a panic after that lecture because I honestly felt like I was going to be damned if I started using any form of birth control. I'm not going to bash on these talks at all... but Kyle and I agree that this is a very personal decision that should be made between you, your fiance and God. I got married when I was 19; still a teenager. Kyle and I both felt that starting a family right away was too soon for us. I wanted a chance to really get to know my husband before family life started eating away the time we had for just us. We felt good about this decision, and so I started on the pill.
All of those religious considerations aside... I wanted to talk about the types of birth control. There are hundreds of contraceptives available, and yet the most commonly used one is the daily birth control pill. The pill is the easiest method to start and thus, the first method most women go with. Most pills control the female reproductive cycle via hormones, which I'm sure you all knew. But....
I HATED IT.
My body is pretty sensitive to medications in the first place, but hormones? Oh my gosh. I went insane. The morning after I took the first pill I could smell EVERYTHING; I knew which roommate was showering because I could smell their shampoo. It was freaky. I thought it would get better after the first month... but I was so wrong. Poor Kyle, our first months of marriage were pretty crazy. I wasn't just emotional for one week of the month, I was emotional everyday for the 10 months I took it. It was really difficult for him, handling all these emotions from his new wife. There was one day I sobbed, became enraged, got really hyper and then sobbed again all in an hour. I felt sluggish and tired all the time, I lost my appetite, the littlest things would upset my (like when Kyle would leave his laptop on the coffee table), I had crazy migraines that would come unexpectedly and wipe me out for 24 hours AND I was paranoid about not taking the pill at 10 pm every night. PARANOID. The only good thing was how much my ladies grew (DD!) and that was fun while it lasted! ;)
After 10 months of that craziness, we decided enough was enough. We still felt like we weren't ready to start having a family, so we researched a ton for alternative contraceptives. Condoms were considered, and then immediately rejected (we hated them). I tried switching the brand of pill I used to lower dosages of hormones, but I had the same results. After that I considered doing the shots (1 shot, every 3 months) and the ring every 3 weeks. Finally though, we decided that it didn't matter what type of contraceptive we used because all of them were hormone-based. I needed something that didn't mess with my body's natural cycle, but still was effective. That's when my mom told me about IUDs (intrauterine devices) which are not hormonal. They're made of copper which slightly raises the pH in the uterus so the egg can't be fertilized. The tricky part is that it's actually a device that gets inserted into the uterus... making for a really awkward OB visit. The other problem is that they're pretty spendy (like $1500), but with ObamaCare's new provisions, it was completely free for me.
After a lot of research, we decided the IUD was the best route for me. I've had that in since August and I have loved it. No daily pill to get paranoid over, no crazy emotional swings, no constant PMS'ing. I honestly didn't know how icky I felt until I had been off the pill for a month; it was like a fog had finally lifted. And yeah, the ladies did shrink a ton, but I'd rather be emotionally stable and flat-chested, than busty and crazy ;)
So, all that being said... I know a lot of women who have used the pill with literally no side effects. If that's the route chosen and it works, then more power to you. However, if it's not working, then don't be afraid to look for other options. I think I thought that because the pill was the most popular method, it should be the best option available. That's part of why it took me 10 months to finally do something different. But that is definitely not the case. Our hope in posting this is to encourage people to get educated about all the different kinds of birth control methods. Don't be afraid to try something that's not well known. If the hormones are kicking your butt (like it had with most newly-weds I've spoken too) then look for other options. It doesn't have to be an IUD at all, that's just what has worked best for us. The first year of marriage is hard enough with all the new adjustments I think. Ours was compounded by the fact that I could NOT control my emotions to save the life of me. Choosing a different method was a life-saver for us and definitely contributed positively to our marriage.
Hopefully hearing our experience is helpful to someone. I've been surprised by the number of questions I've personally received about birth control, so I hope I preemptively answered them all here!
Ladies - if you have any personal experience to also share, please do!