2013

Guys. I blogged. I would say I'm going to be better at this next year, but I honestly don't plan on it. I've liked living my life "off the grid". Not everything needs to be published!

2013 is coming to a close and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Kyle is quick to tell me that I'm ridiculously hard on myself, but I feel like I just didn't grow this year as much as I anticipated. That's not to say that this year was bad in any way. It just feels like it was another year come and gone.

2014 though. I've got big plans for 2014. I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions for almost two months now. I'm excited to see what the new year brings.

So, as part of my goodbye ceremony to 2013, here's a photo-recap of the past year.

January - Typical inversion. Nearly died this month after enjoying Hawaii!

February - Went to a lot of BYU men's volleyball games

March - Said goodbye to Liz as she left to serve her mission in Japan

April - Boston had the marathon bombings, RIGHT during finals week

May - Said goodbye to Kristen as she left to serve a mission in Chile

June - flew back to WA for my sister's graduation and got to see my mountain looking fiiiine per usual

July - Family vacations and we got Khan

August - I walked early at BYU. So grateful both sides could be there

September - This one turned 24!

October - Halloween decorations in full swing

November - The leaves were amazing

December - Full of unprecedented challenges and miraculous joys

And with that, I bid adieu to 2013.

restless

I've recently been feeling emotionally restless; not sure what I want, or when I should want to even want it (whatever IT may be).

But my question isn't, "Can I find stability in adventure or a future in my passion? Can I survive on blind belief and forgo certainty for the intangible?"

Instead I ask, "Can I put my heart on hold to ensure I have the means to do it all?

Is losing still a possibility when you choose to better yourself instead of bet on yourself?"

Your thoughts are most welcome

Taking Stock

Making: time for the little, important things - like writing letters
Cooking: soups!
Drinking: tall peppermint hot chocolate, because why not?
Reading: Dan Brown's Inferno, David Baldacci's The Sixth Man, and numerous theories on education
Wanting: to make this wreath
Looking: at the changing leaves on the mountains
Playing: with Khan; he's getting big!
Wasting: time playing with said kitty

Sewing: nothing... shocker
Wishing: for the holidays to arrive
Enjoying: the recently-added third blanket on our bed. A warm bed = more cuddles, which is always a good thing
Waiting: to take the GRE
Liking: our newly-painted bedroom!
Wondering: when I'll have to break out my snow boots
Loving: Target's Halloween decorations, even if Kyle doesn't...
Hoping: Ender's Game won't be a complete flop
Marveling: at how quickly September has passed
Needing: to send off birthday packages
Smelling: leaves and the unique "crispness" of fall air
Wearing: cardigans, graphic tees, leggings, and moccasins
Following: travel blogs
Noticing: my hypocritical tendencies
Knowing: that I'm headed in a good direction
Thinking: about the future and what it may, or may not, hold
Bookmarking: photography tumblrs
Opening: my heart to change
Giggling: at Matt Smith and slowly becoming a "Whovian"
Feeling: optimistic

Summer Vacations

This summer was a good one.

Really, it was. Yes, Kyle and I worked like crazy, and yeah, some days seemed to drag by because of that, but all in all, we've had a great summer.

We took 2 weeks off in July. The first week we vacationed with the Tuft's up in Midway. We went on a couple of hikes, explored Timp Caves, and just relaxed. The second week we drove to Washington and vacationed with the Decker's. The first part of that week was spent camping at Mt. St. Helen's; the second part was spent camping on the beach (Westport area) to celebrate my grandparent's 50th anniversary.

Finally, over labor day weekend, we went down to Little Wild Horse Canyon with some friends; one last "hoorah" before school began!

And now, pictures!

Midway:

Timp Caves:

Mt. St. Helens:

Westport Beach:

Little Wild Horse:

Little people, big rock

The Brink of Big Changes

Lately I've felt like I'm living on the brink of big changes.

Changes that I'm aware of, yet unsure about.

Changes I'm completely unaware of.

I catch myself staring into space at odd moments, and then a glimmer of a new, vivid thought dances into my conscious; the idea that somehow, soon, my life is going to be different. I don't know how different it will be, but I get the feeling that life is going to take some unexpected twists soon. And you know what?

That's terrifying.

My type-A self cannot stand simply not knowing. Since I was eight I basically had my whole life planned out; I could have recited to you my one, five, and ten year plan on the spot. Now though, I'm at the end of my detailed plans. Beyond graduating college, the details of The Plan are more abstract. For the first time I can remember, I simply don't know where I'm going to be in the next year. There's no Big Goal and no Plan. The big choices I had to make in the last 20 years I had been preparing for, so when the time came, I knew my decision. Graduate high school: on The Plan. Get into college: on The Plan. BYU though?: yeah, that's part of The Plan. Get married: check! Graduate college: on The Plan (and almost checked off!). Now though, I find myself on this brink of change with absolutely NO IDEA how to navigate it.

But.

I'm learning. 

My younger self needed a plan. That plan. It helped me steer through middle school, high school and college. It helped me avoid decisions that would've been detrimental. Ultimately, it got me where I am now.

Maybe though, my older, more mature self needs a different plan. Less of a plan actually. I'm learning to ride waves now instead of following a linear path. I'm learning to accept spontaneity. I'm learning patience: that virtue that has forever eluded my character. I'm learning how to be happy in the moment  instead of always looking forward to next item on the plan. 

Ultimately, I'm learning how to be happy with this brink of big changes.

A "Thank You"

I just wanted to leave a quick note with a big fat THANK YOU for all the feedback I've received on my previous post about birth control. I have been incredibly surprised by the number of questions and comments both Kyle and I have received. It was as relieving to hear of similar experiences as it was enlightening to learn of different reactions. I hope the post sparked some conversations or ideas for those who read it! As always, if anyone had or still has questions, I'm more than willing to try and answer them based on my experiences.

Thanks again!

Tuft Family Pictures

Last month (how is it already June?!)  the Tuft's all went up to Logan for Megan's graduation ceremonies. We also had planned to take family pictures as it was Kristen's last week before reporting to the MTC. (Pictures were done by Dianne Adams' Photography)

I love this new family of mine!

Her face!