Baby Physics 101

1. The fullness of the diaper is directly proportional to the speed in which you need to get out of the door
2. Blowouts only happen when the baby is wearing white, has just had a bath, or is about to go to bed
3. The smaller the baby, the more of the bed they take up
4. The projectile distance of newborn spit-up is directly proportional to the soreness of your arms
5. A baby adds 3x the amount of dirty laundry to the household
6. The amount of Cheerios on the floor increases exponentially with the age of the baby
7. The number of times a baby pees on your bed sharply increases from midnight to 5am
8. The busier the day, the fussier the baby
9. The cost of the toy is indirectly proportional to the baby's interest in it
10. The cost of the clothes is directly proportional to the number of blowouts that will occur in it
11. The number of tantrums increases the hour before dad comes home (the same hour you're making dinner), then drops to 0 the second he walks in the door
12. The biggest smiles come when the mom is most frustrated &/or tired
13. The length of feeding the baby always increases as the time to leave the house decreases
14. The hour before bedtime is not 60 minutes long
15. The love for the baby grows exponentially every. single. day.

Shhhelfie