The Second Trimester

How Far Along?: 22 weeks

Maternity Clothes?: Oh yes. I was stretching out my regular shirts a bit too much. It was a lot to ask of them! I finally cracked and got maternity jeans too. I was really dreading that, but I'm so glad I got them now.

Sleep?: Yes! I've gotten used to my nightly bathroom run now, so I'm sleeping a lot better. I'll occasionally take a nap if I need it, but that's nothing out of the ordinary.

Stretch marks?: Not yet. I've been using lotion regularly, mostly because my belly keeps getting dry, so I hope that helps. If not, I'll have some sweet battle scars.

Best moment yet?: Seeing Kyle's face light up the first time he felt Baby Tuft kick!

Miss anything?: Honestly? Not one thing. I have been floored by how wonderful being pregnant has been for me. I fully expected to have the absolute worst time being pregnant, but if this is how it is for me each time, I could have 10 kids (really hoping I didn't just jinx myself!).

Weird pregnancy moment?: The insane dreams I'm having! Not all of them are great; I woke up sobbing having dreamed I'd lost the baby. Most of them are just very, very vivid. I'm pretty sure I know what it'd be like to be on drugs now.

Movement: Yes! Baby Tuft likes to move the most when I'm meditating and it's very distracting. It's like they're related to me or something....

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular. I'll get sudden urges for something sweet or salty, but not one food in particular.

Anything making you queasy?: My nose is still picking up everything, so normal gross smells are more uncomfortable (ie: full garbage can, moldy foods, greasy/oily foods etc.)

Birth preparation?: Because we're planning on having a natural birth, our midwife strongly suggested that we look into classes that teach various methods of pain management, other than drugs. We have started to take a childbirth class called HypnoBabies. It sounds super, super hokey, I know - I think they'd get a lot more interest if they re-named it... Essentially it's just learning how to allow your mind to be more in control over your body. We were skeptical when we first signed up, but we've both been very surprised at how effective it's been. Plus, what we're learning has a lot of applications for other areas in life, so we're big fans!

Happy or Moody?: Generally happy, but I do get bouts of moodiness. I got a letter from Liz this week and she included a note for Baby Tuft. I cried for a good hour after that because it was so sweet and I miss her a ton. I don't think I would normally do that...

Gender: We're keeping it a surprise!

Looking forward to: Getting to know our baby as an actual person. I'm constantly amazed by the fact that I'm growing a human who has interests, talents, and a personality. We can't wait to get to know and learn from our baby!

Becoming a Mom

Nearly half-way baked. Woot woot!

After the initial shock of pregnancy had slightly subsided, a whole new shock settled in: I'm going to be a mother?!

Let me first just start out by saying I hardly feel like an adult; just yesterday I bought Skittles over a salad and later I re-used my cereal spoon for lunch - without washing it. My daily decisions are still dictated by whether or not I'm fully dressed and actually feel like doing something. Essentially, I'm still a child.

How in the world am I supposed to be responsible for this precious, perfect body and spirit? What type of mom do I even want to be? What tendencies do I have now that will prevent me from becoming that mom?

One big concern I have is that my natural type-A personality is going to rear it's ugly head often. I'm worried I'll be the mom who is constantly cleaning and rearranging the house; the mom who demands perfection and expects it (since I do that to myself); the mom who pushes and pushes her kids past the breaking point to excel. Yet, I'm worried to not do those things too. I'm worried that I'll give my kids too much so they'll never learn what hard work means. I'm worried about working them too hard. I'm worried that I'll curb their dreams when they don't align with my dreams for them. I'm worried about how badly it will hurt to see them in pain.

Kyle and I have talked about future parenting practices. We've discussed timeouts, allowances, groundings and I see merits to almost every opinion about those. We've talked about how we'll handle driving, dating, and technology - around then is when I usually roll myself into a ball and cry. 

As I have thought about all these concerns, a thought struck me that I've since been clinging too: I'm not expected to know any of this. I think being a mom is a process that I need to be patient with and I need to allow myself the time to learn how to handle these worries.

I don't know much about how to "mom", but I do know I will work my hardest to be the best mom I am capable of being. And I think that's what matters the most.