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| Nearly half-way baked. Woot woot! |
After the initial shock of pregnancy had slightly subsided, a whole new shock settled in: I'm going to be a mother?!
Let me first just start out by saying I hardly feel like an adult; just yesterday I bought Skittles over a salad and later I re-used my cereal spoon for lunch - without washing it. My daily decisions are still dictated by whether or not I'm fully dressed and actually feel like doing something. Essentially, I'm still a child.
How in the world am I supposed to be responsible for this precious, perfect body and spirit? What type of mom do I even want to be? What tendencies do I have now that will prevent me from becoming that mom?
One big concern I have is that my natural type-A personality is going to rear it's ugly head often. I'm worried I'll be the mom who is constantly cleaning and rearranging the house; the mom who demands perfection and expects it (since I do that to myself); the mom who pushes and pushes her kids past the breaking point to excel. Yet, I'm worried to not do those things too. I'm worried that I'll give my kids too much so they'll never learn what hard work means. I'm worried about working them too hard. I'm worried that I'll curb their dreams when they don't align with my dreams for them. I'm worried about how badly it will hurt to see them in pain.
Kyle and I have talked about future parenting practices. We've discussed timeouts, allowances, groundings and I see merits to almost every opinion about those. We've talked about how we'll handle driving, dating, and technology - around then is when I usually roll myself into a ball and cry.
As I have thought about all these concerns, a thought struck me that I've since been clinging too: I'm not expected to know any of this. I think being a mom is a process that I need to be patient with and I need to allow myself the time to learn how to handle these worries.
I don't know much about how to "mom", but I do know I will work my hardest to be the best mom I am capable of being. And I think that's what matters the most.
This was so beautiful! I have the same types of worries but I figure we'll cross those bridges once we reach them :) We're just going to have to take this parenthood thing one day at a time and hopefully try not to mess up too many times! ;) congrats on the baby! our first is due in June!
ReplyDeleteoh goodness, this is me. my baby is coming in just a few weeks & i have no idea what kind of parent i want to be- other than loving. i figure as long as i keep heavenly father fully involved, we're all going to be just fine :) and also, i'm hoping & praying it will come somewhat naturally when she's here ;) congratulations on your baby! you look so awesome!!
ReplyDeleteIt's the hardest thing you will ever do. Some days will be SO hard. But it's amazing and life changing. I don't know what I'd do without my amazing husband and the gospel in my lif!. Just take one day at a time and remember you're not perfect, but that's ok! This doesn't even come close to helping you know what it's like- kinda like marriage, you have no idea what it's like 'till you get there. Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteI have three children and still feel like a child! Don't worry your children will think its great you use the same dirty spoon once in awhile... trust me!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do great! and mom to mom, these are two of my favorite books:
Brain Rules for Babies
Love and Logic