10 Tips on How to Mentally Prepare for Labor

Before I had Milo I read a TON of books to help prepare me for labor. I laugh at it now because honestly and truly, it's just not something you can wrap your head around until you've gone through it. Annoying, I know. However, through my reading and experience I did glean a lot of really helpful things that helped me mentally prepare for labor. I think there's a lot of Pinterest ideas on what to pack in a hospital bag (ironically, none of that was helpful for me, in part cuz I didn't have my babies in a hospital), but I wish there had been more easily obtained resources to help me get my mind/body ready for it.

So below are a few of the most helpful things I've learned. Understand that this is just my experience, particularly in choosing to go unmedicated, in a birth center, though I think most of the points would still be helpful regardless of where and how you choose to have your baby.

1. Positive Thinking- For the first few months I would have recurring stress nightmares that something awful would happen to Milo or myself during labor. I don't think I'm alone in that regard. Playing sports, my coaches would tell us to visualize exactly how we wanted to play the game, and I carried that over to labor. When I would get stressed, I'd stop and visualize myself having the best experience I can imagine. Like I said earlier, it's a little tricky the first time around to have a clear idea on what labor actually is (quite frankly, it never goes how you think it will!) but focusing on the most positive situation possible was really comforting to me.
2. RESEARCH - I could harp on this All. Day. Long if it wouldn't annoy people so much. I firmly believe that you are responsible for making sure you take care of your body and it's nearly impossible to do that if you don't know what's going on with it. I'm not saying you need to swallow "What to Expect When You're Expecting", but if you have questions about the pregnancy process, then you'd better be taking the time to figure it out.
• Research also applies during your prenatal exams. If your doctor/midwife suggests a test or uses a term you don't know, ASK ABOUT IT. Many women I know have been blindsided simply because they didn't think to ask what "strep B" is, or "placenta previa". Any time a question comes to you, write it down in a notebook to take to your next prenatal. I promise you won't remember on your own when you need to!
• If you don't know the stages of labor, or what your doctor/midwife is wanting done for your labor, ASK. ASK. ASK. One of the most helpful tips I gathered was to always ask, what are the positives, what are the negatives, and probably most importantly, what if we do nothing? I think this is sage advice because it forces you to get a well-rounded perspective. Often we found that simply "doing nothing" and being patient solved a lot of our concerns.
• An odd caveat to this is to make sure you don't do too much research. I found that about halfway through "What to Expect" I started to realize that it was addressing every possible thing that could go wrong with pregnancy/labor, and it only stressed me out. It's like the WebMD version of pregnancy information. I read it to look up a weird pain I had on my left side. I left thinking I had preeclampsia and needed to go to the hospital to have my baby 10 weeks early otherwise he'd die. SO. Do your research, but if it gets to a point where it's more stressful than helpful, STOP IT.
3. Figure out a relaxation technique - Regardless of how you choose to labor, I promise you that your contractions will be much easier to handle if you don't fight them. Even before an epidural is available you will have contractions, and if you choose not to get an epidural, then you'll wanna figure this out even more. Contractions are a tightening of the uterine muscles. Imagine if you actively try to stop your muscles from involuntarily contracting? It's like trying to stop your heart by tensing up; impossible. Contractions are going to happen whether you want them to or not and tensing up only makes them less effective and last longer. When you relax your muscles and allow them to contract they're much more effective and easier to bear. I personally used Hypnobabies to help me with this, and that worked great for me (message me if you want more details on that). Nearly all of the pain management techniques are simply trying to get you to learn how to relax through contractions, so choose one that fits your personality, and practice!
4. Think about how you handle pain currently - If you have a headache, do you reach for the Tylenol within seconds? Do you get grumpy and irritable with it? Are you the type to suffer in silence or do most people know when you have a toothache? Does it help you to have someone give you a comforting touch? Or do you prefer a 10-foot radius? Can you distract yourself from the pain or is it all you can think about? These are all good things to think about as you prepare for labor. I tend to be very vocal about my pain and prefer someone I love to be close by. I used to get hung up about this because I should be a strong independent woman who can suffer in silence, but once I let go of that expectation and moved on, both Kyle and I were better able to work through labor together. During both labors Kyle was literally within my arm's reach at any given point. He rubbed my shoulders, pressed down on my hips, helped carry my weight as I bore down, etc. For some women that's inconceivable, but I truly needed that extra help.
5. Think about your worst-case labor scenario, and come to terms with it - Given my first bullet point this seems contradictory, but I actually find they married well together. Outside of death for yourself or the baby, think of the worst thing that could happen to you during the labor process. Once you've thought about that, then take the mental energy and time to really analyze WHY you have those fears. Was it an experience of your mom's you overheard? Then talk to her about it and get an idea of how and why that happened. Is it a situation from a movie you once saw? Remember that movies significantly overdramatize labor for "entertainments" sake, and then look up the actual facts behind the situation. For example, my worst-case scenario was that my water would break early, and that I'd have to have an emergency c-section. To help combat this, I did a lot of research on why the amniotic sack can break prematurely, and all the situations that a c-section would be necessary. I got to a point where I was comfortable enough to say that if that situation should happen, then I would be ok with it because the c-section at that point would literally save the baby. Once my worst-case scenario was dealt with, then I could go back to thinking positive thoughts when the doubts would start to creep in.
6. Think about how you handle medications - This was actually a huge contributing factor for me in choosing to go unmedicated. I take one Benadryl and it knocks me out for a solid 12 hours. My body is much more sensitive to medications than many peoples'. After doing my research on the side effects of Pitocin & epidurals, I concluded that it would probably be a better idea for me to forgo meds as I was a likely candidate for ALL of the side effects. If you're also sensitive to meds but don't wanna go unmedicated, then talk to your doctor about the possibility of doing half, or quarter dosages as you get started, that way you have a better gauge on what's effective for you or not.
7. Make sure whoever will be with you while you labor understands your plan - This is a slightly roundabout way of saying, "keep your spouse on board". I think there's a tendency for women to just choose how they want to labor without taking into consideration their spouse's concerns. I'm here to tell you that you will not be in a fit state to have a proper discussion when you're in labor. Periodically ask your spouse if there's anything they're concerned about and make sure you ACTUALLY LISTEN instead of brushing it off. I think it's very difficult for spouses to watch their wives in labor and not be able to help, or not know how they can best help. If your spouse is concerned about the doctor you're seeing, or if you want to be induced or not, listen to those concerns. It will be a much smoother process for everyone involved if there's been clear communication the whole time. This also goes for anyone else who you want there while you labor. I sent my mom a copy of our birth plan so she was aware of what we wanted. I purposely didn't want to be able to see what time it was so mom was really good to not verbally ask "what time is it", and just check herself if she needed to. Little things like that can be wildly helpful, but only if they've been communicated.
8. Think about your personality - Sounds incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how else to word this. I know I'm incredibly competitive and like living up to expectations. I tend to have this idea of "perfect" in my head (I'm still not sure where I gather that info), but I get frustrated if I don't live up to that expectation. For example, I knew that if I could keep track of the time, then I could get frustrated that I wasn't laboring fast enough, hence why I asked to not have the clocks around. I also know I have a high-metabolism, so I asked mom to make me a huge batch of chicken pasta salad to eat after labor, and packed a TON of snacks just in case I needed them during labor (a big perk of a birth center birth for me!). Think about things that annoy you, your natural tendencies, and things that are helpful or calming to you, and use that to help you figure out what you should bring, leave, or ask to change when you go to have your baby.
9. When it comes right down to labor, TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF - I learned this the hard way with Livvy. I kept trying to make her labor go exactly like Milo's did. It wasn't until I just shut my brain off and focused on what actually felt good that my labor really progressed. I'm not sure how much of this applies with a medicated birth, but I do know there reaches a point where no matter what your brain says, or what meds your on, your body is just going to do what it needs to do. It's important in those moments that you're not screaming at yourself, "it's not supposed to happen this way!" and just relax and let your body take over.
10. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO LABOR - I chant this mantra over and over once my contractions start. I think many women would like to be the type who labor quietly, go to the hospital all composed, smile politely during contractions, don't make ugly faces while pushing, and laugh a baby out. I'm not sure I've ever heard someone have this experience before and I think it's high time we let that idea go. There are thousands of ways to have a baby. Some women scream at the top of their lungs, others swear like a sailor, others start to obsessively brush their hair, some women like to walk around, others like to watch a movie. It's ALL good. The end result is to birth a healthy baby and doing whatever the mother feels like doing should be supported. Get the idea of a "perfect labor" out of your head and you'll be able to truly relax and give yourself the freedom needed to get the job done. It doesn't need to be pretty. It's never really going to be pretty, and you'll have a more enjoyable experience once you can let that idea go.

Milo's birth - try not to be jealous of my super attractive relaxing face ;)

Livvy's Birth

Bonus tip:

For me, writing down my labor experiences as soon as I possibly could was extremely therapeutic. This helps me process all of the emotions of the experience as well as give me perspective on maybe why things happened the way that they did. (I personally think there's a lot of harbored feelings women have when they have a bad experience, which is why we often hear the bad experiences the most because women are still working through them. That's not science, just a thought I have). It's important that you don't edit the events to something you wished had happened instead. Instead, look at the moments you'd edit and learn from them. Did you fight your contractions more than you'd like? Did you feel like you didn't have much of a say and that was frustrating for you? Did you like your spouse's comforting touch or did you actually find it annoying? Processing these small details really helps for the next time around.