2016 in Review

I know 2016 has been a total bust for most everyone and yeah, there have been some really upsetting parts, but oddly this has been one of my best years ever. 2015 was my personal dumpster fire so there was no where for me to go but up!

2016 was the first year I actually nailed more than one New Year's Resolution. I attribute a lot of this to reading Better Than Before - Gretchen Rubin, which helped me identify smarter ways I personally can achieve success in making habits. I also made a conscious effort to make goals of varying degrees; some were big, some were small. Completing the small goals helped motivate me to keep going on the bigger ones.

Goals Completed:

• Wear bright lipstick - I now unconsciously grab a bright lipstick to wear nearly 3 times a week. It was a small goal, but it forced me to be brave
• Get a black leather jacket - Black Saturday (best time for shopping!) I scored the jacket of my dreams after trying on nearly 30 different kinds
• Get ready everyday - Being a stay at home mom means it's really easy for me to stay in yoga pants all the time. I've noticed that I don't really ever feel ready to tackle the day when I'm in pj's, so this was an important goal for me. I defined getting ready as "no pj's, makeup, something done with my hair" and that worked great.
• Cook more often at home - My specific goal was to only eat out once a week, and have leftovers for lunches and one dinner, meaning I'd only need to cook 5x a week. I didn't hit this every month, but we have saved over $2000 in eating out expenses so that's a big a win for me. Plus, dare I say I even enjoy it now that I'm more in the habit??? I think I've really nailed down how to cook if you're Type-A and it's been awesome.
• Read something gospel related everyday - I'm probably most proud of this goal as it's one I truly did. Somedays it was a scripture verse, other days it was 3 conference talks. Either way it's been a huge blessing
• Attend the temple twice a month - We owe Nicole a massive thank you for helping us achieve this goal. We didn't meet it in August with my being sick from the pregnancy, or this month (December is so busy!) but we've gone more regularly this year than any previous year and that's a huge accomplishment.
• Read 3 books a month - Since I'm counting re-reads in this I can say I nailed this one. It's helped rekindle my love of reading and keep my mind occupied with more substance than social media usually offers me
• Explore Utah - Once the summer months hit and Kyle became very busy with work, and I dealt with first trimester grossness, we tapered off on this goal a bit, but overall we hit nearly 70% of the places I had planned for us!
• Start a garden - I really let it go once the first trimester hit, and we had a few learning curves to hurdle over, so this wasn't as successful as I wanted, but we still managed to get a few things to grow and ate a number of delicious salads from it
• Get pregnant - .....Check
• Visit all the parks in the Provo/Orem area - I got about halfway through them, which was about 30. Again, first trimester sickness stuff threw a monkey wrench in the plans, but half if better than none!
• Outings with friends twice a month - I didn't hit this one perfectly; I get extremely nervous in new social situations so I really have to force myself to go. I did attend the Harry Potter Book Club events more frequently, and Liz, Jill, and I have a standing lunch date once a month that I've really enjoyed. Again, proud of what I did, but there's room for improvement.
• Try new things - Probably my vaguest goal, but the overall idea for me was to lean into the discomfort of the newness. I tried aerial yoga (ouch) and went to a wreath making class, we did archery, I practiced a lot of new cooking methods (I made lobster!!), got over the hurdle of trekking two kids to places (it's so much easier to stay home!), went river rafting, got through 6 weeks of BBG before the miscarriage and morning sickness hit, and really nailed down my personal style.
• Blog more frequently - check!
• Notice the "aha" moments with my kids - When pregnant with Livvy and dealing with the post-partum/pregnancy depression, my therapist told me that one way I could keep myself from feeling like I was drowning in motherhood duties was to identify at least one "aha" moment with my kids. Any moment that I could think, "this part makes me happy", write it down and reflect on it like a talisman throughout the hard times. I haven't needed to do this for my own sanity so much this year (thankfully!!) but continuing the practice has helped me foster and recognize the gratitude I have for my kids.

Goals to continue:

• Learn Spanish - I got to be about 40% fluent (or so Duolingo tells me) before I trailed off on practicing. My proudest moment was being able to read the entire short story on the back of the Chipotle bag! Definitely one to keep at.
• Church attendance - Understanding that we had a new baby at the beginning of the year, making it all 3 hours of church has been a STRUGGLE this year. I'm trying to pinpoint ways that I can make this easier on us all
• Learn how to do webpage design - Didn't even attempt that one tbh
• Food storage - We didn't do too much with this, but now that I'm cooking more often I do feel more prepared and able to use the food we have in storage. So, half a win?
• Save money - We didn't do as well as we'd hoped to do for various reasons, and I think nearly everyone wants to do better saving money than they currently are. The good news is that we already have some really concrete goals and plans of actions in place for next year, so I'm looking forward to our progress
• Fitness - Kyle rocked this goal; he's been attending the gym at least 3 times a week since the middle of summer and has made some good gainz. Jessica has, uh, not done so well since getting pregnant so that's the next goal to work on.
• FHE - We've been working on this goal more so the last few months now that Milo is a bit older and can participate. We really had to throw out our own experiences with this so we can better tailor it for our family's current needs and that's been helpful. Doing a simple FHE consistently (ours takes 10 minutes tops) is better than doing nothing since we can't do an extravagant one without massive tantrums!
• Purge Closet - I think I've flushed out my personal style this year quite a bit which is great, but that does mean my closet has kinda taken a beating as a result of trial and error. So goal, not accomplished. However I'm already a bit ahead of January's purge; I started a separate IG account to sell some clothes (@jessicatuftscloset) and I've got a plan of action to tackle other untidy parts of the house.

As pleasing as it's been to complete a lot of goals, the best part has been that I genuinely feel proud of what I've accomplished. My biggest hurdle and blessing in life is my perfectionist nature. In 2016 I made huge strides in learning to not sweat the small mistakes I made - not letting perfect be the enemy of the good - and it's been wonderfully freeing. Even in the areas I didn't do as well as I'd wanted, I still feel proud of myself for what I accomplished and that feeling is more valuable to me than anything I completed.

In January I identified my word of the year as "Become" and I feel like I finally hit a point in my life where I gave myself the freedom to grow in nice ways. It's not that all the lessons I learned this year were easy, some were the hardest I've gone through yet, but my reaction to growth has changed a lot this year and it makes me happy to see what that has allowed me to become.

Here's to looking at 2017 and hoping it can be at least half as good as 2016 was for me. And maybe it'll cool it with all the celebrity deaths! ;)

Christmas 2016

I had a total blast this Christmas season! I decorated for it the Saturday after Thanksgiving and didn't listen or watch anything that wasn't Christmas related from that point on. Luckily my kids are young enough to not care about that so much ;)

This year we didn't travel nearly at all for the holidays which was fabulous. Last year we were running around everywhere with a 16 and 2 month old, in the cold, and the snow. Wasn't a total picnic, so not traveling was a welcome change.

On the 18th we hosted our "casual Christmas" with the Fife's and Romney's, played games, exchanged gifts, and ate wayyyy too much food. Chris made a BOMB video to commemorate the event. For the actual holiday we went to Kyle's parents for Christmas and all of his siblings were there for the first time in a LONG time. Waking up to a white Christmas a magical!

We had a great time playing games, visiting and just enjoying the spirit of Christmas. Participating in the #LIGHTtheWORLD challenge was a welcome addition for me this month and I truly feel like it gave me a moment each day to pause and reflect on the miracle of Christ's birth.

5 Marriage Lessons

It's been 5 years since Kyle and I got married. Half a decade. 5 Christmases. I'm a little in shock by how fast it's gone by. Some days it feels like we're still newlyweds and other days it feels like this is all we've known. 5 years teaches you a lot, and while I'm by no means a marriage expert, I have learned a LOT since day one:

1. Marriage can complete you. I was told that before I got married I should be "whole/complete" without a boy first. I understand the sentiment; I don't think you should be relying on a relationship to complete you or to make yourself feel worthy. However, I truly am not whole without Kyle. Marriage is the biggest team sport on the planet; playing the game of life without Kyle is like playing volleyball without a setter. It's possible but extremely difficult. I'd often feel annoyed by the fact that I really, truly miss Kyle when he's gone. It made me feel dependent and unfeminist even though I was still completely functional without him. It wasn't until I realized that these were valid feelings that I was able to stop being annoyed with them, on top of being lonely. I am justified in missing my spouse when he's gone or busy. He's the biggest part of my life and I don't need to be embarrassed by that.
2. Marriage is a language. There simply are lessons that you learn being married that you cannot learn in any other situation. There's really no other way to say that. Just like there are phrases in Spanish or Italian that don't translate well in English, there are situations and problems that come up in a marriage that non-married people don't have a frame of reference for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think any less of people for not knowing a foreign language and/or for not knowing the language of marriage. I just know they probably won't "get it" in the same way. The cool thing is that while marriage is a language, you and your spouse get to create your own dialect. Some marriage experiences are universal, but many experiences are extremely unique to your and your spouse.
3. It is not about both of you giving the relationship 100% every time. Again, I totally get the idea; you should try your best to BE your best all the time. I just don't think percentages are really the best way to convey this idea. There are days, weeks, and even months where my absolute best is maybe 10% of my normal. There are times when I have to pick up Kyle's slack. Thinking about effort in terms of percentages clouds the fact that the spouse is genuinely trying. The idea of percentages can just give a reason to accumulate ammo to use in a fight; "I've been giving it my best effort but you haven't!". Percentages invites comparisons and competition. Happy marriages are built on communication, trust, and absolute charity. It's about simply saying, "I see that you're trying and that means the world to me", even if the result isn't perfect or what you wanted.
4. You can go to bed angry. I am much more rational when I've been given space and time to think over the issue at hand. Sometimes this does mean going to bed on less than ideal terms. The first year or two of marriage I would force myself to stay up and "fight" so we could go to bed all happy at the same time, but I just kept getting more tired and more angry. My real point in this lesson is that you'll need to throw out all of the things you think you know about marriage and truly discuss what you and your spouse want and what works for you. For some, going to bed angry exacerbates the problem. Some people don't need to be kissed every time they come home from work. Some people don't need date night as often as others. It's all ok. There is not a golden couple out there who follows every "rule". The golden couples have spent long hours figuring out what truly works for them as a couple and as individuals.
5. You can't hide. This was probably the most eye-opening and uncomfortable lesson for me. I just didn't realize exactly how intimate marriage was, because I didn't speak the language beforehand. Frankly, pre-marriage me only thought of intimacy in terms of sex, so I had a lot to learn! Being married means that you can't hide when you're upset with your spouse. They'll figure it out sooner or later and a discussion is inevitable. Being married means you can't hide the fact that you spend money when you're bored. Being married means you can't hide that you're incredibly insecure about your weight, the way your nose looks, the color of your hair, the car that you drive, or the state of your house. Being married means that all of the things that annoy you about yourself will be exposed. Being married means that you will be forced to be more vulnerable than you ever thought you needed or could be. And that's all extremely valuable. Marriage is the most important relationship in which you need to learn how to be vulnerable. Without that willingness to pull down your walls, growing together as a couple for the better is very difficult. To build a relationship that is implicitly trusting requires being implicitly vulnerable. There is nothing more freeing than knowing that despite Kyle's awareness of the depth and breadth of my weaknesses, he still loves and chooses me every day.

I love, love being married. More importantly, I love being married to Kyle. It's a decision that I genuinely feel grateful for every single day. Being married has changed me in ways that I'm barely able to describe, but I know it's for the better. 10/10, would recommend.

Happy Anniversary, hun. I get more excited about eternity with you every passing year.

10 Tips on How to Mentally Prepare for Labor

Before I had Milo I read a TON of books to help prepare me for labor. I laugh at it now because honestly and truly, it's just not something you can wrap your head around until you've gone through it. Annoying, I know. However, through my reading and experience I did glean a lot of really helpful things that helped me mentally prepare for labor. I think there's a lot of Pinterest ideas on what to pack in a hospital bag (ironically, none of that was helpful for me, in part cuz I didn't have my babies in a hospital), but I wish there had been more easily obtained resources to help me get my mind/body ready for it.

So below are a few of the most helpful things I've learned. Understand that this is just my experience, particularly in choosing to go unmedicated, in a birth center, though I think most of the points would still be helpful regardless of where and how you choose to have your baby.

1. Positive Thinking- For the first few months I would have recurring stress nightmares that something awful would happen to Milo or myself during labor. I don't think I'm alone in that regard. Playing sports, my coaches would tell us to visualize exactly how we wanted to play the game, and I carried that over to labor. When I would get stressed, I'd stop and visualize myself having the best experience I can imagine. Like I said earlier, it's a little tricky the first time around to have a clear idea on what labor actually is (quite frankly, it never goes how you think it will!) but focusing on the most positive situation possible was really comforting to me.
2. RESEARCH - I could harp on this All. Day. Long if it wouldn't annoy people so much. I firmly believe that you are responsible for making sure you take care of your body and it's nearly impossible to do that if you don't know what's going on with it. I'm not saying you need to swallow "What to Expect When You're Expecting", but if you have questions about the pregnancy process, then you'd better be taking the time to figure it out.
• Research also applies during your prenatal exams. If your doctor/midwife suggests a test or uses a term you don't know, ASK ABOUT IT. Many women I know have been blindsided simply because they didn't think to ask what "strep B" is, or "placenta previa". Any time a question comes to you, write it down in a notebook to take to your next prenatal. I promise you won't remember on your own when you need to!
• If you don't know the stages of labor, or what your doctor/midwife is wanting done for your labor, ASK. ASK. ASK. One of the most helpful tips I gathered was to always ask, what are the positives, what are the negatives, and probably most importantly, what if we do nothing? I think this is sage advice because it forces you to get a well-rounded perspective. Often we found that simply "doing nothing" and being patient solved a lot of our concerns.
• An odd caveat to this is to make sure you don't do too much research. I found that about halfway through "What to Expect" I started to realize that it was addressing every possible thing that could go wrong with pregnancy/labor, and it only stressed me out. It's like the WebMD version of pregnancy information. I read it to look up a weird pain I had on my left side. I left thinking I had preeclampsia and needed to go to the hospital to have my baby 10 weeks early otherwise he'd die. SO. Do your research, but if it gets to a point where it's more stressful than helpful, STOP IT.
3. Figure out a relaxation technique - Regardless of how you choose to labor, I promise you that your contractions will be much easier to handle if you don't fight them. Even before an epidural is available you will have contractions, and if you choose not to get an epidural, then you'll wanna figure this out even more. Contractions are a tightening of the uterine muscles. Imagine if you actively try to stop your muscles from involuntarily contracting? It's like trying to stop your heart by tensing up; impossible. Contractions are going to happen whether you want them to or not and tensing up only makes them less effective and last longer. When you relax your muscles and allow them to contract they're much more effective and easier to bear. I personally used Hypnobabies to help me with this, and that worked great for me (message me if you want more details on that). Nearly all of the pain management techniques are simply trying to get you to learn how to relax through contractions, so choose one that fits your personality, and practice!
4. Think about how you handle pain currently - If you have a headache, do you reach for the Tylenol within seconds? Do you get grumpy and irritable with it? Are you the type to suffer in silence or do most people know when you have a toothache? Does it help you to have someone give you a comforting touch? Or do you prefer a 10-foot radius? Can you distract yourself from the pain or is it all you can think about? These are all good things to think about as you prepare for labor. I tend to be very vocal about my pain and prefer someone I love to be close by. I used to get hung up about this because I should be a strong independent woman who can suffer in silence, but once I let go of that expectation and moved on, both Kyle and I were better able to work through labor together. During both labors Kyle was literally within my arm's reach at any given point. He rubbed my shoulders, pressed down on my hips, helped carry my weight as I bore down, etc. For some women that's inconceivable, but I truly needed that extra help.
5. Think about your worst-case labor scenario, and come to terms with it - Given my first bullet point this seems contradictory, but I actually find they married well together. Outside of death for yourself or the baby, think of the worst thing that could happen to you during the labor process. Once you've thought about that, then take the mental energy and time to really analyze WHY you have those fears. Was it an experience of your mom's you overheard? Then talk to her about it and get an idea of how and why that happened. Is it a situation from a movie you once saw? Remember that movies significantly overdramatize labor for "entertainments" sake, and then look up the actual facts behind the situation. For example, my worst-case scenario was that my water would break early, and that I'd have to have an emergency c-section. To help combat this, I did a lot of research on why the amniotic sack can break prematurely, and all the situations that a c-section would be necessary. I got to a point where I was comfortable enough to say that if that situation should happen, then I would be ok with it because the c-section at that point would literally save the baby. Once my worst-case scenario was dealt with, then I could go back to thinking positive thoughts when the doubts would start to creep in.
6. Think about how you handle medications - This was actually a huge contributing factor for me in choosing to go unmedicated. I take one Benadryl and it knocks me out for a solid 12 hours. My body is much more sensitive to medications than many peoples'. After doing my research on the side effects of Pitocin & epidurals, I concluded that it would probably be a better idea for me to forgo meds as I was a likely candidate for ALL of the side effects. If you're also sensitive to meds but don't wanna go unmedicated, then talk to your doctor about the possibility of doing half, or quarter dosages as you get started, that way you have a better gauge on what's effective for you or not.
7. Make sure whoever will be with you while you labor understands your plan - This is a slightly roundabout way of saying, "keep your spouse on board". I think there's a tendency for women to just choose how they want to labor without taking into consideration their spouse's concerns. I'm here to tell you that you will not be in a fit state to have a proper discussion when you're in labor. Periodically ask your spouse if there's anything they're concerned about and make sure you ACTUALLY LISTEN instead of brushing it off. I think it's very difficult for spouses to watch their wives in labor and not be able to help, or not know how they can best help. If your spouse is concerned about the doctor you're seeing, or if you want to be induced or not, listen to those concerns. It will be a much smoother process for everyone involved if there's been clear communication the whole time. This also goes for anyone else who you want there while you labor. I sent my mom a copy of our birth plan so she was aware of what we wanted. I purposely didn't want to be able to see what time it was so mom was really good to not verbally ask "what time is it", and just check herself if she needed to. Little things like that can be wildly helpful, but only if they've been communicated.
8. Think about your personality - Sounds incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how else to word this. I know I'm incredibly competitive and like living up to expectations. I tend to have this idea of "perfect" in my head (I'm still not sure where I gather that info), but I get frustrated if I don't live up to that expectation. For example, I knew that if I could keep track of the time, then I could get frustrated that I wasn't laboring fast enough, hence why I asked to not have the clocks around. I also know I have a high-metabolism, so I asked mom to make me a huge batch of chicken pasta salad to eat after labor, and packed a TON of snacks just in case I needed them during labor (a big perk of a birth center birth for me!). Think about things that annoy you, your natural tendencies, and things that are helpful or calming to you, and use that to help you figure out what you should bring, leave, or ask to change when you go to have your baby.
9. When it comes right down to labor, TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF - I learned this the hard way with Livvy. I kept trying to make her labor go exactly like Milo's did. It wasn't until I just shut my brain off and focused on what actually felt good that my labor really progressed. I'm not sure how much of this applies with a medicated birth, but I do know there reaches a point where no matter what your brain says, or what meds your on, your body is just going to do what it needs to do. It's important in those moments that you're not screaming at yourself, "it's not supposed to happen this way!" and just relax and let your body take over.
10. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO LABOR - I chant this mantra over and over once my contractions start. I think many women would like to be the type who labor quietly, go to the hospital all composed, smile politely during contractions, don't make ugly faces while pushing, and laugh a baby out. I'm not sure I've ever heard someone have this experience before and I think it's high time we let that idea go. There are thousands of ways to have a baby. Some women scream at the top of their lungs, others swear like a sailor, others start to obsessively brush their hair, some women like to walk around, others like to watch a movie. It's ALL good. The end result is to birth a healthy baby and doing whatever the mother feels like doing should be supported. Get the idea of a "perfect labor" out of your head and you'll be able to truly relax and give yourself the freedom needed to get the job done. It doesn't need to be pretty. It's never really going to be pretty, and you'll have a more enjoyable experience once you can let that idea go.

Milo's birth - try not to be jealous of my super attractive relaxing face ;)

Livvy's Birth

Bonus tip:

For me, writing down my labor experiences as soon as I possibly could was extremely therapeutic. This helps me process all of the emotions of the experience as well as give me perspective on maybe why things happened the way that they did. (I personally think there's a lot of harbored feelings women have when they have a bad experience, which is why we often hear the bad experiences the most because women are still working through them. That's not science, just a thought I have). It's important that you don't edit the events to something you wished had happened instead. Instead, look at the moments you'd edit and learn from them. Did you fight your contractions more than you'd like? Did you feel like you didn't have much of a say and that was frustrating for you? Did you like your spouse's comforting touch or did you actually find it annoying? Processing these small details really helps for the next time around. 

Handling the First Trimester

Are you tired of these kinds of posts yet? haha.

I'm trying to write all of these helpful things down for my future benefit, and for the plethora of friends going through this stage of life. I don't know why, but I always seem to go through a learning curve the first few weeks of pregnancy and when I re-remember what was so helpful last time, I feel like an idiot. Here's to preemptively helping my awful memory! I'm hoping it's helpful for other too. Sometimes just being aware of solutions can make the whole journey a little easier to bear :)

1. Almost like clock work, 2 weeks after I find out I'm pregnant I get hit with a MASSIVE cold. Your immune system shuts off when pregnant and for me that means getting a cold to end all colds. I actually prep for that first by having a Costco bag of Ricola's, Mucinex (pre-approved by my midwives), a NealMed sinus rinse, and our humidifier brought out of storage. I also set up an appointment with my chiropractor because inevitably I throw out a rib from coughing so much. It's as fun as it sounds.
2. My nausea hits around 6 weeks. My very best friend for it? QUEASE EASE. I would shout this from the rooftops if it were possible. My brother, Ethan, introduced me to it just after I had Milo actually. When Ethan had his tonsils removed, the doctor gave him a few packets of Quease Ease to help with the nausea that his recovery meds could give him. On the package it says it helps with morning sickness, so I made a mental note to try it out with the next pregnancy. I didn't throw up once with Livvy and I swear it was because of this little miracle. I got 2 of them this time; one for the diaper bag, one for my nightstand. LIFESAVER.
3. I usually feel the most nauseous in the morning and I've found that just getting FOOD into my mouth helps it. There were mornings where I was in the kitchen smelling my quease ease while cramming bread into my mouth, just to get something in there. Best thing was to get salty snacks and munch on them. I go from nauseous to "bathroom now" in 30 seconds so prep time in the morning had to be lightning fast. Nothing faster than pre-prepped!
• This might be counterintuitive or seem harsh, but there were definitely mornings when the kids were hungry and waiting for breakfast but I knew I had to eat first. It was more difficult than I imagined eating while my kids were hungry, but I turned on Magic School Bus to wolf down some toast, sat for 10 minutes until my stomach settled, then I could better help them. Mostly this tip is to remind moms that kids can wait a bit, especially if that means you can better help them out!
4. In general, eating every 2 hours really helps me stave off the worst of the nausea. I would set a timer on my phone to help remind me and hold me accountable. Forcing myself to eat is something I never thought I'd do but it really helps!
• Helpful foods include:
• Kids Cliff Bars
• Goldfish crackers
• pretzels
• eggs - scrambled, fried, boiled etc.
• toast
• peanut butter sandwiches
• bean heavy soups (very filling but still "bland" enough to not upset anything)
• mashed/baked potatoes (bonus points for sweet potatoes!)
• tortilla chips
• Strawberry Kiwi Propels (my personal favorite flavor)
5. Between 5-9ish weeks my taste buds go nuts and my nose gets REALLY sensitive. I make a more concerted effort to wipe things down more frequently with Clorox wipes, take diapers out to the trash immediately, and bag up smelly items before putting them in the trash. Also, Kyle is awesome and really steps up in changing the poopy diapers!
6. Also during these weeks I cannot cook. Raw meat makes my stomach churn. We unfortunately eat out WAY more during this time so our grocery bill plummets and our restaurant bill skyrockets. I've just come to accept this rather than fight it so I don't beat myself up over it.
7. When my tastebuds change I don't eat what I normally prefer. Diet Coke tastes like poison, popcorn is ash in my mouth. It's fun. I drink a ton more water but avoid drinking it much past 10 pm since my bladder is not the size it used to be! I tend to prefer white bread over whole wheat at this point, and anything sweet is offensive, so I steer clear of chocolate, ice cream, and candy in general. I also avoid trying anything new because I figure it's not a great time to find out I actually don't like kimchi, ya feel?
8. Around 6-10 weeks I get very tired. I try and nap when the kids nap, but mostly I just tell myself it's ok to let things slide for a month. I still make an effort to get out of the house once a day, but we leave hours later than we typically do. With both the nausea and the tiredness, house chores don't get accomplished on schedule and you know what? We live. It's fine. 98% sure I'm the one who cares the most about that stuff in the first place so we're good!
• There will come a point where you'll probably just have to accept the fact that you're tired and move on. Often a nap helps, but only for a little bit. The tired you're feeling is literally in your bones and will only be cured by time. So nap, yes, but nap judiciously. Often you can push through it and you're not more tired for it.
9. Kyle took over grocery shopping between 6-10 weeks. I made a grocery list on our shared OneNote, he went to the store after hitting up the gym one evening, came home and put it away. Such a simple thing but at that point, I felt like it was an insurmountable task to accomplish.
• My awesome aunt and mother put together a menu of what they call "pantry meals". They're dishes that you can throw together quickly with things you often have in your pantry. THESE ARE A LIFESAVER. Kyle threw a few together when we couldn't stomach another night of Lil' C's again.
10. I don't necessarily "believe" in prenatal vitamins. I generally just eat a very folic acid rich diet anyway, but when I'm nauseous and not getting enough calories in the first place I definitely take them. Target's brand of prenatals are GUMMY PRENATALS which means you aren't choking yourself with horse pills! I totally recommend them though I do know some women can't stomach them.

What Baby Stuff do you REALLY Need?

Our 5 "Must Haves" and 5 "Don't Needs"

I wouldn't say I'm a veteran mom, but this definitely isn't my first rodeo. As such, I've pretty much figured out what our "baby essentials" are. There are LOADS of blogs, pregnancy apps, and boutique shops that will tell you what you ~MUST~ have to "make those first months wonderful" and I kinda call BS on most of it. When we had Milo, we were poor college students living in a 2 bedroom, 900 square foot pioneer house. There was no way he was getting his own little nursery. I used to feel bad about that but then I realized maybe it was a good idea to not set that precedent for ourselves. Really, does your baby care what color his bedroom walls are painted? And honestly, who really has all the money laying around to go out and buy all these high-end products when there a loads of cheaper options? Babies really have very few needs: food, clothes, a place to sleep, diapers & wipes, and a carseat.

When pregnant with Milo, I was really adamant that we didn't buy anything that was gendered in case our next was a girl. In fact, we didn't reveal his gender for this reason. Practically, this would save us from having to buy an all new wardrobe but also, I just really don't like pink frilly bows haha. This turned out to be a lifesaver for us because I ended up not needing a single thing when Livvy came around. Sure, we got girl clothes from baby showers for her, and I did go slightly nuts with hair bows I actually liked, but we were pretty set!

All the baby gear can be incredibly overwhelming, so I teamed up with my girl, Danica, to help new moms out. Danica is both practical and stylish and willing to do all the research we mortals are too lazy to do ourselves. Checkout her blog asap cuz it's hilarious and informative!

So, that being said, below are our top 5 baby necessities, and top 5 baby "unnecessities".

Danica

I've been thinking about baby products so much as I prepare for my second baby and watch several friends who are pregnant for the first time. It's a jungle out there. We are so incredibly blessed to live in an internet era where we can google any questions, crowd-source opinions about theories and techniques, and find product descriptions and reviews that are helpful to us. I don't know how our moms did it, to be honest. It's crazy how much I've used the internet in the 21 months Reese has been with us (and the 9 months of pregnancy before that lol).

The problem with it is twofold, in my opinion:

1. There is just TOO MUCH. Too many options. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and paralyzed by choice. It's great, of course, because the likelihood of your particular needs being met by a product are high. But knowing your needs and knowing which products will meet them is so difficult, and this is not a situation that needs more complication or stress. 
2. Everything is Capitalism - even the mommy bloggers you trust the most. This isn't really that ~bad. People gotta eat, man! Products must be sold! But sometimes companies/bloggers/advertisers will prey on the stress and earnest desires of first time moms to have and be and deliver the very best for their babies. I've got news for you: sometimes bloggers will promote an item they don't actually use or don't really like just because they got paid a lot to do so. And guess what? Sometimes they'll promote an item they ABSOLUTELY LOVE! But it's super expensive and they got it for free. Or they might be genuinely sharing a product they bought themselves and used free of sponsorship. Sometimes you don't know.

Here's what I'm saying: You don't always know what you need, or what you want, or what will work for you. That doesn't mean you need to buy everything that The Baby Cubby posts about or each product your favorite mommy blogger shares. I've fallen for this, and it's ok if you have too. It isn't the end of the world if you buy a product you don't actually like.

But if your budget is tight, or you notice yourself feeling mom guilt or an urge to buy every fancy or cool gadget you see on Instagram... it's important to stop and say: "Wait. Do I REALLY need this? Does baby really need this? Or am I just buying it because it's cute/cool/trendy?" I have to ask myself this all the time. Well, actually, it's The Beard asking me that all the time, which in turn reminds me to think about it myself.

Necessary:

1. Nursing Pillow - Even if you're not going to nurse I used it constantly. Some people say like "Oh don't let your kid sleep/lay on the nursing pillow!!!" but honestly it worked great for us. She'd take naps in it as a newborn, and eventually when she was learning to sit up we propped it around her perfectly. I registered for a plain Boppy for my shower and then bought a cute cover for it and I have to say - definitely worth it. I did also buy 2 of these cheaper, knockoff types (they always do deals or you can get coupon codes for everything but shipping) and they'll do as well. They're thinner and not as sturdy, but since my home is 2 levels it was really nice to have one in each space I nursed without having to carry them around.
• Jessica’s Note: I would’ve died without my nursing pillow my first time going through that! Not just for nursing, but also for me personally to sit on while I…. recovered. Your under-regions take a beating with labor! With my second I got to a point where I didn’t need it at all, but I totally recommend this, especially for first-time moms!
2. Thin Changing Mat - Me and Reese were on the go, and... she was a blowout baby. We did a ton of diaper changes all over this county. Many of them in the backseat as I rapidly changed her before walking into a dinner or party. The Gathre (formerly Let's Playground) Micro is $20 and worth every penny. I'm gonna buy a new one for this baby, because it's no exaggeration to say that I have used it every single day for 21 months (and it still looks brand new!!!). Small, durable, sanitary, cute. Get one.
• Jessica’s Note: Both of my SkipHop diaper bags came with a changing mat and it was a LIFESAVER during those first few newborn months.

3. Velcro Swaddle - I know some people think "Well I can just use a regular swaddle right?" and like, yeah, you can. But I'm telling you that I believe in my bones a big part of why Reese crushed it in the sleep department was our sleep setup - based around velcro swaddles. There are a ton of kinds, but we used and loved this exact set. She couldn't fight her feet or hands out and she always slept like a champion in them.
• Jessica’s Note: My own kids both hated being swaddled with a fiery burning passion. I pushed swaddling for ages before I finally gave in, but we did get Livvy a blanket sleeper from Ikea, just to keep her warm at night. It was loose enough that she didn’t seem to mind it.
4. Stroller - I'm gonna talk about strollers because I can attribute a lot of my happiness and postpartum weight loss to LOVING mine. If you don't love your stroller you're not going to use it. In fact, you might actively try NOT to use it. I knew I wanted something light and functional. Don't need lots of bells and whistles, off-roading, storage space, multiples, whatever. I wanted it to be easy to pop up and down - like 5 seconds easy - or else I'd never want to use it. I wanted it work with her car seat and grow with us into toddlerhood.We ended up going with the Uppababy Cruz and Mesa, and I FREAKING LOVE IT. We're gonna size up to the double (Vista) at some point for baby Holdy #2. It's hard to know what you will want, but do your best to picture your life when baby gets here. Do you jog? Go to the mall/Target a lot? Walk outside? Travel? Have multiple kids? Pick a few things that are important to you, then watch a shiz ton of Youtube videos, ask your friends what they like/don't like about theirs, and try out strollers at baby stores where possible. Having a stroller that works for your lifestyle makes a huge difference. I loved never feeling weighed down or like "Ugh I don't want to have to haul out the stroller..." Instead it was like "Oooh I'm feeling a Target run! Let's go bb girl!" and 5 seconds later I'm cruising in the doors with Reese still napping after a seamless transfer from car to stroller. It worked for me. Magic. You don't need the most expensive stroller on the market. Just find one you think will best meet your needs and then get well acquainted with it before baby comes.
5. Wubbanub - I've sung the praises of Wubbanub binkies many times before, and I ain't stoppin now. Here we are, 21 months later, and just barely did I break Reese's bear and lost her cat - but her dinosaur (Sarah lol) is going strong. Worth. It. As a tiny baby it stays put on their chest when they spit it out. When they get a little bigger they have something to hold. Eventually it makes it so easy for them to learn to grab it and put it back in their mouth. Not to mention they are so much easier to find/more difficult to lose. We're picking out new ones for baby Holdy soon!
• Jessica’s Note: One day I’ll have a baby who does me the courtesy of actually using a binky. When that day happens, this is the first one I’m trying out. Until then, I can only dream!

Unnecessary:

1. Owlet - I'm sure a bunch of people love these, but I can't help but think they're just feeding on the fears of new and stressed moms. It doesn't help that literally all of the posts I've seen have been sponsored. Listen to me: You do not need a $250 monitor to tell you your baby is breathing/not breathing. If you want one and have $250 to blow - go for it. But don't ever feel like your kid is going to stop breathing and it's your fault if you don't buy one of these. Read about SIDS, do your best to follow the preventative guidelines, and talk to someone if you still can't sleep/relax/feel ok.
• Jessica’s Note: Girl, preach. The one reason I can see this being valuable is if your baby was born with complications, but unless that’s the case, I too feel like it adds unnecessary stress!
2. Baby Monitor - We didn't use ours until Reese was like 10 months old, and even then we only used it for a little while. If you need to leave your baby in a room on the opposite side of the house frequently - ok, maybe you need one. But for the most part you don't need them at all! Crack their door! Or at least not until they're big enough to actually cause some trouble. Just my opinion.
• Jessica’s Note: We’ve never used a baby monitor until our current place had Vivint installed already with a baby monitor included. It’s not worth purchasing, especially if you have a small house. Trust me, you’ll hear your baby cry.
3. A Nursery - Jess hit on this already, but seriously... they don't need it. They don't need cute decorations or coordinated bedding crib sets or a plush glider or trendy stuffed animals to display - or even a room at all! Yeah it's a lot of fun to set up a nursery! Go for it! But if you're tight honestly this should be the first thing to go. You can keep all their stuff in like 2 drawers of your dresser or a couple of bins in your closet. A crib/bassinet can go in your room (it will anyway for a few months!), or a closet, or an office!
4. Name Brand Clothes - A couple of nice things per size is a good idea, but ask yourself "Do I want to scrub poop out of this 37 times? Do I want this to get completely ruined after 2 wears?" Those are chances you have to take and it doesn't bug you near as bad if they're affordable or semi-disposable clothing options. Sometimes the plain Gerber or cheap Walmart onesies got straight up thrown away because it wasn't worth it. You can get cute stuff at Target, Old Navy, even Walmart, or secondhand and not feel bad if it gets ruined.
• Jessica’s Note: My rule of thumb is that the more expensive the clothing item is, the higher the chances the baby will ruin it. Cheap is best! Along with name brand clothing… unless your baby starts showing signs of a rash, you’re probably good to forgo the all-organic cotton clothes. Also, I highly recommend not buying anything white/cream. I guarantee the worst blowouts will happen when they’re wearing white.
5. Fancy Baby Cosmetics - Obviously if organic or whatever products are your battlefield then by all means go for it. But your baby does not need $30 lotion because a celebrity says so. Johnson & Johnson rocks. H*ll, the Smith's grocery brand of baby lotion rocks!

Jessica

Necessary:

1. Fisher Price Rock n' Play - We got this as a baby shower gift with Milo from my aunt who had also used it. In our tiny house, we didn't have room for a full on crib in our bedroom, but I wanted Milo to sleep close to me while he was nursing at night. This Rock n' Play is incredible for small spaces! It folds up easily and is very portable and very light. We've used it with both kids for the first 4-6 months of life. It also is slightly reclined, which was perfect for Livvy as she dealt with acid reflux & colic; being reclined helped keep the acid down. Ours also vibrates if we want (neither kid loved that), and it does rock. When sleep training our kids, if they woke up slightly fussy, I'd gently rock them back to sleep. Another huge plus for us was its portability as we'd take it to grandma's house if we were there for an extended stay. The newer version is self-rocking which we're probably gonna get for this baby as ours has seen better days. Like I said, we used it 4 times a day, for a total of 16 months!
• Danica's Note: Yes. Some type of small swing/bouncer is vital. I was lucky and my amazing parents got us a MamaRoo for Christmas and we loved it. But you don't ~need an expensive one. Just a landing zone that preferably bounces/vibrates/rocks/something will work.
2. Pamper's Diapers - We're huge Pamper's fans over here. We've tried Huggies and the Costco/Kirkland brand, but for whatever reason both kinds disintegrated off our kids' bums. I like the idea of the Honest Company kind, but they're too expensive for how many we go through and honestly? They just get pooped in anyway! We use Amazon Prime for our diaper orders and save about $20 total for a huge box of size 4's & 5's. Pamper's ARE more expensive, but my logic is I'd rather pay a bit more for diapers that hold up because one awful blowout can ruin a full outfit and blanket, and could mean loads of carseat or crib cleaning.
• Danica's Note: Like I said, Reese was a blowout baby and I can tell you that paying for a nicer diaper is WORTHHHHHHHHH it, especially if your kid is talented in the diaper department. It saves you on extra diapers, laundry, and just plain sanity. We did mostly Huggies & Pampers, and now that Reese isn't blowing out we can do store-brand cheap ones.
3. Carseat - I honestly think this mostly comes down to personal preference. All carseats are put through rigorous testing before being allowed out into production. Some may have slightly higher safety ratings, but it's pretty negligible. The only REAL thing you need to pay attention too is the expiration date, and, if you're buying it secondhand, if it's ever been in a car accident before. We got the Chicco Keyfit 30 carseat (and by "got", I mean we were given). I personally liked the easy "click" function into the car seat base. We've been perfectly happy with it.
• Strollers - I'll mention this here, although for us it technically wasn't a baby "necessity" within the first few months. Many car seats have a compatible stroller. We requested the matching stroller as our big ticket baby shower item with Milo, but I honestly didn't get much use from it until Milo was 6ish months old in part because I was working still and it was the winter. Depending on the time of year you have your baby, a stroller may not be a huge deal for you, although it's good to keep in mind when buying a carseat.
4. Puj Tub - We didn't have this with Milo, but I so wish we did! I found it on a garage sale site for like, $10, a few days before I had Livvy and MAN ALIVE. What a great invention. We usually bathe our newborns once every other day but the newborn blowouts are inevitable. This little invention made those blowouts much easier to handle. We stored it in the 1 inch gap between our bathroom sink and the wall - I say that to emphasize how space friendly it is. It seems like a lot of money for just a baby tub but we got a TON of use out of it with just one baby, and I know we will with this next one.
• Danica's Note: Yep. Totally worth it, love it, amazing.
5. Clothes storage option - Obviously most people assume this means a dresser. I wasn't too worried about having enough clothes for either kid. I'm pretty prolific in finding great sales and we were given quite a few pieces. However the STORAGE option can get really expensive if you're not careful. We opted for just a basic Ikea dresser; my hope is that these will grow with each kid. We couldn't afford a high-end dresser, plus we didn't really think it was all that prudent, but we also didn't want something that would break within the first three uses either. We also had the space for a decent sized dresser so this dresser worked perfect for us. I have seen LOADS of clothes storage options though for all different price ranges and available spaces. A friend of mine used a plastic craft drawer option and hung dresses on a rod above that. It cost her $30 and was maybe 2 feet wide and 4 feet tall. If you're struggling for ideas, Pinterest and Google are great go-to's!
• Danica's Note: Reese's nursery is tiny, so I used cute fabric buckets in bookshelves and a hanging organizer in the closet! I think I probably spent less than $50 on the entire clothing organization, but having something to store tiny clothes in an organized way is critical.

Unnecessary:

1. Baby bottle dryer - This thing makes me laugh nearly every time I see it. You could just use a dish towel and tilt the bottle so air can get into it, or stick em in the dishwasher ;)
2. Baby food blender - In another life, we would've just called this a blender. We had a Ninja blender that worked just fine for making baby food, if that's your thing.
3. Baby toys - this will be an eventual "need", but your new baby is not gonna have any interest in toys for quite a while. Even then, the toys you get them will never be as interesting as the packaging they come in. I'm honestly considering getting our kids their own set of Tupperware for Christmas and that's about it.
• Danica's Note: Agree 100%. The only exception I'd make is some type of hanging toy/mobile for the carseat if they struggle in the car. But those are cheap and do NOT need to be fancy.
4. Baby shoes - I know they're adorable. I know it sounds like a good idea. Truly though, your new baby has absolutely no use for shoes. Livvy lived in footed pj's or socks with some hand knit booties my aunt gave me (she's an October baby); Milo didn't need socks as a July baby. Around 6 months they discover their feet and everything comes off anyway. Livvy is BARELY balancing on her feet now, at a year old, and she just takes her shoes of asap. Moccasins are WAY, way cute, but they aren't necessary.
• Danica's Note: AMENNNNNNNNN. Chill out with the Freshly Picked moccasins.
5. A designer diaper bag - I know there are mixed feelings about this. My personal preference was to have a bag big enough to hold what I needed, but I really wanted to avoid a bag that looked like a diaper bag. I could easily have spent $200+ for a bag like this, but the only way I could really justify that amount of money is if the bag actually changed the diapers too ;) I first got a shoulder strap kind by Skip Hop called the Versa bag as a baby shower gift. I really loved it, but quickly realized that with two kids, I'd need both hands free. I then got the Forma Diaper bag (also by SkipHop) and I've loved it. SkipHop has a lifetime warranty on their products so it was worth the money for me. If you're tight on cash though, honestly a big purse or a normal backpack works just fine too.
1. Danica's Note: Honestly, probably the dumbest purchase I made was a Petunia Picklebottom. Don't get me wrong - they're incredible! But very expensive. You don't need one. Honestly a big enough purse or backpack works great! I used a leather tote from Target for a long time. Nbd.

I think in general the rule to keep in mind is whether you're actually shopping for you or for the baby. While I'd love to dress my kids in BabyGap from head to toe, financially that just isn't reasonable. Moreover, your kids really just don't care what they're wearing. I've found once I can clearly evaluate what my kids actually need versus what I think they need I'm better able to find cheaper, more practical options. Having a baby is a big enough life change; finding inexpensive and truly useful items definitely makes that transition much easier!

Celebrating 5 Years

Technically our anniversary is on December 20th, but the cool thing about being adults is that you can celebrate things whenever you want too. We knew getting married that close to Christmas would mean less extravagant anniversary celebrations so we've just decided to celebrate when works best for us. #adultlife

Anyway, for our 5 year anniversary we took a week long vacation down to southern Utah! We'd toyed around with going to Mexico, a cruise, or back up to Washington, but ultimately with me being pregnant (no thank you Zika!), and our kids being so little, we decided to play it closer to home. Plus, my exposure to southern Utah was woefully lacking. We wanted to check off the iconic Utah landmarks if possible and I think we did an awesome job! We flew my mom in and she took care of the kids for the week, with help from both my sisters. Sometimes it's validating to realize it really does take a lot of effort to take care of two kids ;)

I'm a FIRM believer in making sure you take time for your spouse. Quality time is something Kyle and I really work for each and every day, now that we've figured out what quality time means for the other. No matter how deeply I love my kids, I will always and forever love Kyle more and getting an extended period of time alone reminds me of that! Plus it's just awesome to stay up late and sleep in on your own time table haha.

We set out Monday with our Harry Potter audio books and drove down to Arches National Park. We found an awesome mobile home rental in Thompson for $45/night that we rented for two nights. It was perfect. Fully stocked kitchen, washer & dryer, 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, and even wifi available in the middle of nowhere. 10/10 would recommend that place.

We hit up Delicate Arch, Fiery Furnace, Pine Arch, Double Window Arch, and Landscape Arch. Fiery Furnace was probably my favorite because we were scaling and legit climbing rocks, instead of following a paved pathway.

Wednesday we checked out of Thompson and drove over to the Natural Bridges National Monument. It's not nearly as popular as the other national parks in Utah but it's equally stunning!

In the center of the picture there are some cool Indian ruins

After Bridges we drove through Monument Valley. We had every intention to stop at the Visitor's Center, but apparently they can close a half hour early whenever they want too. We're not bitter or anything.

We camped that night in Page, just on a beach at Lake Powell. The stars were stunning!

Thursday morning we woke up bright and early to try and get a tour through Antelope Canyon. When I called a few weeks prior they told me that I'd have to book the tour in person, but when we got there we were told we had to book it online? Idk. This is still on our to-see list! We had a slow morning and then headed over to Zion's!

That afternoon we hiked the Emerald Pool's (upper, middle & lower), ran into Kyle's parents and sister on the hike, then since we were racing against the sunset, we headed out to find another campsite.

Unbeknownst to us, it was Fall Break for most of Utah, so Thursday & Friday were way busier in Zion's than we anticipated. To beat the crowds, we got up early Friday morning to hike the Narrows. Kyle tried convincing me to do Angel's Landing but I think I'm gonna need 10 years to work up the courage for that one. The Virgin River running through the Narrows was like 51*. The first quarter mile was really cold, but then our legs went numb and we were good after that!

After the Narrow's we (and by "we", I mean, "I") were so tired, cold & wet, we decided to head on out. We stopped at the BEST Mexican restaurant we've ever been to in Hurricane, then drove up to a hotel in Cedar City. I took a nap, we went to see Suicide Squad at a discount theater and ordered a pizza.

We had plans to go up to Bryce Canyon on Saturday, but we were both pretty tired after a week of hiking. Instead we found an awesome Groupon for a couple's massage at a salon literally two blocks up the street from us, so we drove on home and did that. Now we're completely ruined and will never end a vacation any other way.

It was a great week and we felt ready to go home by the end of it. I think we struck the perfect balance of it being structured enough so we weren't bored, but unstructured enough to actually relax. We had moments of missing our kids, especially when seeing other kids reacting similarly to how our kids would've, but then we thought of trying to encourage them up a hike, or sharing a tent, and we were quite glad they were home ;)

Love you hun! Can't wait for the next adventure.