The Month of March

Uhhh, right.

So, March? Not entirely sure where the whole month went. Somewhere between dropping off my best friend to the MTC, a billion and a half assignments, nice weather, and work, the month just disappeared. Not that I'm really complaining... April is my favorite month, so the sooner it gets here, the better :}

Not much has happened in this part of town. I've been trying to keep my cool and not join in the political rants on Facebook. While I haven't commented on anything on there, that doesn't exactly mean it doesn't make my blood boil. I won't disclose my personal opinion here, but I will say that it's really sad how we can't seem to share our thoughts without tearing other people down. I think that actually maddens me more than most of the opinions on there.

Aside from that, we went to the BYU men's volleyball game against Pepperdine last night. If I've said it once, I'll say it again: THEY'RE UNREAL. I re-dyed my hair (courtesy of Kristen), Kyle took out a huge stump, and we went to Slab twice this week, I skyped Carly as she's in Kiev teaching English at the moment, Kyle worked on a fighting robot in Java for a class competition, we hung out with our group of friends and caught up with each other, it snowed; I cried. Yes, yes, we live glamorous lives, I know.

Last night we went over to the Tuft's house for a little Easter acitivity. Brian presented each of the kids with an Easter basket that included a head lamp. He had hidden 48 eggs in the backyard, and because it was dark, we had to use our head lamps to find them all. It was awesome! I haven't done an Easter egg hunt in almost 10 years! Spencer and I found the only 2 golden eggs :)

We had a blast! We kept forgetting that we had head lamps on, so poor Pam was getting blinded every time she took a picture haha.

This next weekend my dad and little brother are coming down for General Conference. I'm really excited to see them again! General Conference will provide a nice reprieve before finals week hits.

Hope you all have had a great March! Have a great Easter weekend and Happy Spring!

My friend.

This is my best friend:

complete with her cat :)

She decided to serve a mission for our church last October and was called to serve in Sapporo, Japan.

She leaves next week.

And I'm going to miss her so much while she's gone.

Our relationship is a little tricky to understand. Usually we just say we're cousins, but that's not even exactly true. We're 2nd cousins, and so much more. Best friends, ex-roommates, partners in crime, shopping buddies, "hey-let's-go-see-that-movie-that-no-one-else-wants-to-see" duo, personal comedians, and fellow food devourers.

Liz is one of the most driven people that I know. She also happens to be one of the funniest people I know too.

Plus she can dance like none other.

We've made a lot of really fun memories together.

She was there for me during some of the hardest and best moments of my life, and it's weird that for the first time in almost 5 years... she won't be sharing those moments with me in the same way.

So yes, her leaving is gonna be hard, (I mean, who else am I gonna send inappropriate e-cards too??) but at the same time though, when you have a friend like this, distance and time apart don't change your relationship. You pick up right where you left off, with more experiences, more maturity and more advice to give.

I love you so much Liz. I'm so proud of you and who you've become.

I'll miss you tons.

For Rachel

There are some days when certain, random memories refuse to stop banging their presence against my cranium. They beg to be turned over and remembered, if only for a few, fleeting seconds. One particular memory has been screaming the loudest, so I'm giving it a voice here.

This memory is not one of my favorite memories. It's not even particular pleasant. In fact, it's a little sad, and even shameful in retrospect.

When I was about eight-years-old we lived in a nice, developed cul de sac in a small Washington town. I loved it there. The formation of the neighborhood forced our backyard to be a triangle and I used to think that made us unique. Who else has a triangle for a backyard? I'd kick my soccer ball against the fence, driving our neighbors nuts. Often times that ball would fly over the fence and I'd have to climb the fence, jump over, and race to grab my ball again before they either caught me, or their dog caught me. It was a great neighborhood for an eight-year-old.

There was a white house, two down from mine, that belonged to the Wilson's. They seemed like a nice family, and lucky for me, they had a girl about my age. I knew the dad was gone most of the time, leaving the mom with her two sons and the younger girl at home. I don't remember how it happened, but this girl, Rachel, and I became good friends. We'd paint our fingernails with white-out while dancing to N'Sync, we figured out how to slalom ski behind her bike (she rode her bike, we tied a jump rope to it, and I held on as I roller-skated down our driveways), she'd tell me how much she hated her older brothers and how mean they were to her, and I'd tell her that she could take my annoying younger sisters. She introduced me to MTV, Britney Spears and this new guy, "M&M". I cut her bangs and put butterfly clips in her hair. It was a great, young friendship.

One day Rachel came over to play at my house, and I noticed that she looked a little different. I couldn't place my finger on it. Did she get a haircut? Was that a new shirt? New shoes? Ignoring this, I asked if she wanted to help me clean out my closet (I was am pretty OCD about clutter.) I started pulling out old shirts and asked if she wanted any. With her back towards me she started to try them on. She lifted her shirt, and I silently gasped; her entire back was covered in bruises. They were thick, purpley-yellow, green and black bruises. They were big and they were small, like... fingerprints.... But they didn't stop there. I saw that they continued across her ribs, down her arms, over her shoulders. There wasn't a spot on her visible body that wasn't covered with a bruise. Horrified, I kept looking, kept staring. What had happened to my friend? Was she sick? Had she fallen down the stairs? As my lips formed the questions, the words stopped in my throat. There weren't just bruises. The more I stared, the more I saw. Thin cut marks, little slices of the flesh mangled her back. Some were more recent than others; I could just make out old scars. At this realization, I was truly scared. I didn't know the questions to ask, and so, to my utter shame, I never did.

It clicked for me then why she had looked different; her eyes were dark. There was absolutely no spark of life.

Some times, in quiet moments this memory launches itself in my vision and I am right there again. Right there in my eight-year-old room, trying desperately to understand something that terrified me. I don't know what happened to Rachel; we lost contact after we moved across town (there wasn't such as thing as Facebook then!) but I never asked her about this. I don't think I really wanted to know. My young mind drew wild conclusions, none of which were rational. It took me a couple more years to start to piece together a logical explanation; logical, yet horrific.

So, to Rachel, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you needed at that time. I hope you're doing well now. I've thought about looking you up, but yet, the eight-year-old in me is still terrified of knowing that my rose-colored childhood was not the same for all my friends. I still don't know if I really want to know, and I'm so, so sorry.

Valentine's Day Crazies

I'm conducting an observation on today to prove that Valentine's day is, in fact, crazy.

Technically, it started yesterday at Target:

• A mom: "Avery, what kind of candy do you want for your boyfriend?" (Avery is maybe 6 years old...) 
• Wife, muttering to herself, "which one does he like? sweet.... sour...?" 
• Little boy in the Vday section, "Mom, I CAN'T bring these to school... they're pink!!" 
• Husband who approached me looking for advice, "Mind if I ask what size you are? My wife's about your height and she's been looking for some pair of colored jeans..." 

And it has continued today:

• Witnessed a proposal outside the library. Complete with giant teddy bear and roses. 
• "A guy who buys that much stuff for his girl is compensating for something..." - dude on campus 
• Instagram has exploded with couples' pictures 
• Pinterest is full of heart-shaped everything 
• "Is he looking over here? REALLY? I'm telling you! It's this heart scarf! It has magical properties" - girl on campus 
• Starbucks has a buy one, get one free drink discount today 
• "Valentine's day at BYU is the weirdest thing. It's like, everyone has to be super cheesy because that's all they CAN do... if you know what I'm sayin' sayin'" - guy in Bookstore 
• SOMEHOW, today, of ALL DAYS, I left my ring at home on accident and I, very smoothly, got asked to grab a Jamba Juice. No one wants to be completely alone today. 
• Everyone has "The best_______." according to Facebook 
• "My son doesn't have the wherewithal to realize that the card he got from the neighbor girl is mass produced. He's running around the house telling us that, 'She thinks I'm the best!'"- Professor 
• A girl wearing a full, red velvet, Victorian style dress across campus 
• A guy frantically writing in a heart shaped card in the JFSB courtyard 
• Walking into Costco and 4 rose-arrangement laden men walking out 
• "My mom called and wished me a 'Happy Valentine'. Only she said it like it was a challenge. What am I supposed to tell her? 'So um... I actually have two Valentines tonight. Ben & Jerry'. I just don't think she'd appreciate that". - girl on campus 
• Running into a couple making out in the middle of a crowded hallway. Seriously? 
• 27 accounts of red and pink attire in the 10 minute walk I had across campus 
• 4 giant balloon bouquets 
• The BYU Bookstore Candy counter is now the most popular male attraction on campus. 
• 8 heart-patterned sweaters/tights/pants/scarves 
• "I don't get Valentine's day... I mean, I cuddle with you so why do I need a guy?" - another girl 
• There are rumors of a girl sporting angel wings walking around BYU...

I could go on, but really? Need I?

happy news and awkward news

If we're friends on Facebook you might have read some exciting news earlier this week:

I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!

It's for the Institute of Self-Reliant Agriculture (SRA). They're an institution that helps developing countries overcome hunger and malnutrition by demonstrating how to create rotational gardens. This strategy allows people to have healthy, nutritional foods year round. Right now SRA has gone into Peru, Ecuador and Kenya and created gardens in a number of villages. The results have been amazing! In fact, the Kenyan government has approached SRA with the idea to implement their strategy within the entire country. In order to do this though, SRA needs to get funding. They're planning to present their project to the Gates Foundation in an effort to secure the funds necessary to carry this out.
That's where my job comes in. Right now, SRA doesn't have quantifiable evidence to show how their gardens have been successful. The research and design classes I've taken for my sociology major have taught me how to gather quantitative data and use it to show statistical correlations and improvements. I'll be gathering data from these countries and analyzing it to numerically show the improvement that has been made using SRA's garden strategy. My analyses will be part of the presentation to the Gates Foundation later this year.
Long story short... it's a HUGE undertaking, but I could NOT be more excited. This is exactly what I've been hoping to do with not only my major, but with my life. Working with a non-profit company has always been a goal of mine, and SRA's strategy completely rings true to me. It's one thing to give food to people who need it, but it's another thing completely to make sure they know how to get healthy, sustainable food. People need an opportunity to learn how to be self-reliant and that's the aim of SRA.

So that's the big news :) I'm so pumped!

AND after numerous questions and requests, here's an awkward story:
I came into class a little early this week and sat down. The other students in the class started coming in, and a girl sat down next to me. She attempted to engage me in small talk; "What's your name, major, hometown" etc. Having answered her questions, she noticed my ring and asked,
"Oh! how long have you been married?"
me: "A little over a year now."
her: "So now it's time to pop out those babies right? When are you thinking about having kids"?
ummmm, WHAT?!
Seriously though. WHO JUST ASKS SOMEONE THAT. I immediately fished it. (Just imagine: open mouth, close mouth, open mouth, close mouth - like a fish breathing). I'm still very impressed that I didn't say one of the million nasty retorts that immediately came to mind.

Ugh... gotta love the BYU bubble. #marriedproblems.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Having you here this week has really been a special treat. With the beginning of school, the weather, the snow and the lack of female friends here this semester, I've really needed a pick-me-up which you so excellently provided (even if it was unexpected!) The older I get the more I realize how similar we are, which I'm sure every daughter says at some point. Maybe the right of adulthood is when you finally accept that fact?
There have been many times this week where I've tried to verbalize my gratitude for you. Sitting in the car, continuing the search for the perfect winter boots, running around town grabbing groceries, or during quiet times after work meetings. But every time I tried, the words died in my throat. How do you thank someone for simply existing? What words do I say that appropriately acknowledges the 18 years of loving, teaching, heartache, service and charity that you gave me?
Yet in those moments of verbal struggle I realized something: you knew exactly what I couldn't articulate. You have been in my exact boat before; you've walked in my shoes. And right now, I don't think there's anything more comforting than knowing that simple fact.
A 'thank you' hardly seems to capture my intent, but it will have to do. Thank you mom, for everything you are.

Love you,

Jess

To the New Year

In my head I feel like New Year's should always fall on a Sunday. The beginning of a new year really should coincide with the beginning of a new week. Since it didn't work that way this year, I'm obstinately celebrating the start of 2013 today. I think New Year's is one of my favorite holidays; no other holiday gives you a chance for so much introspection and retrospection. 2012 was good to us. We grew. We learned. But now we're ready to move on.
I've got just one personal resolution for 2013 - although this one resolution ignites a host of other changes I'm going to work on- I just simply want to be happy. This doesn't mean I need to buy something, take an amazing vacation, or achieve something hard fought. My personal happiness is dependent on my attitude and this year, I'm going to be more conscious of that.

Happy New Year. I hope 2013 is all you make it to be!

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